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We Listened To a Song by Lou Bega That Wasn’t “Mambo No. 5” and Now This Japanese Girl With Wet Hair Keeps Crawling Out of Our Computer Monitor

Everyone on planet Earth knows “Mambo No. 5.” Even if you were merely an egg in your mother’s womb at the time, you heard it so much that you can perfectly time the “aarrrrggGGGHHHH!” in the chorus. We all are just aware of it, like Jesus Christ or Ronnie Radke. That’s why we decided to finally listen to a second Lou Bega song. It was pretty good until a dripping wet demon-girl crawled out of our screen. Help!

We queued up a song from his 2010 comeback album, “Free Again” when, 8 seconds into the song, our computer started glitching and a girl with dripping wet hair began squeezing her way out of the monitor. Probably a new Spotify feature. It freaked us out at first but once she got her footing, she just… stood there.

We were scared but it was getting late so we left some chips out and went to sleep. Bizarrely, we kept having the same dream of a horse falling overboard on a ferry. When we woke up the next morning, she was gone except for a pool of black sludge on our $10,000 Wayfair carpet.

We thought everything was okay until we fired up YouTube and there was that girl again! She wiggled her way between our open tabs and, once again, we found ourselves in an awkward standstill with a digital monster. Still worth it to hear another 8 seconds of Lou Bega. She spent the majority of the day following us around and staring at us while dripping. Our anxiety died down after about an hour but the dripping never stopped. If we’re going to finish this album we should invest in a bucket.

Other than some damp carpets, she didn’t cause any problems besides the normal stress of having to constantly entertain a houseguest. We can only hope that one day some other poor soul will press play on a Lou Bega deep cut and we will be free from this curse.

 

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