ST. PAUL, Minn. — Local gym rat Paul Deetz started his workout today with a full seven minutes of rest while the first track in…
WILMINGTON, Del. — Democrat Joe Biden’s Presidential acceptance speech was interrupted today by rapper-turned-presidential candidate Kanye West, who rushed the stage to deliver his own…
SAN FRANCISCO — A Novel Experience Bookstore owner Dale Severen was deemed “totally not legit” yesterday for lacking a dynamic selection of ancient texts and…
In my entire life, I have never breathed a sigh of relief quite like the one I enjoyed when I found out that the era…
MISSOULA, Mont. — Local man David Baker’s ever-growing rat tail has reached a length that “definitely soaks it in the toilet bowl when he sits…
They get us where we need to go. They transport our food. We put our children in them. There are close to 300 million cars…
PHILADELPHIA — Local band The Shit Kickers condemned their second place prize and disputed the accuracy of the applause-o-meter today at Battle of the Bands…
JASPER, Ark. — Local militia member Lance Hagan accidentally ate the three years’ worth of emergency rations while anxiously watching the election results, according to…
With the pandemic shuttering businesses and keeping workers at home, everyone is looking for a little side hustle and we totally get that. But oh…
GOODE, Va. — Disgraced former Liberty University President Jerry Falwell Jr. agreed last week to watch his wife Becki attend couples counseling following weeks of…
That is just disgusting! Who would be so thoughtless as to squirt down a thick, sludgy poop in the corner of the living room that…
GENEVA — Scientists at the European Organization for Nuclear Research discovered yesterday that Iron Maiden’s 8:46-long “Brighter Than a Thousand Suns” contains a surprisingly decent…
In our modern romantic landscape, it’s important to have well-defined terminology when it comes to your boundaries. You don’t want some minor issue of yours…
BOSTON — Recently deceased grandmother Anita Reilly’s bereaved found yesterday a trove of family recipes, including one for a beloved, secret family soup that was…
So, here you are. Sitting in a dive bar in some town in Wisconsin. You just ordered your second round of deep-fried cheese curds. You’re…