FLEMINGTON, NJ. — Local sociopath and deranged serial killer Parker Greene enthusiastically pulled 20 teeth out of the front pocket of a pair of jeans…
I’ve always thought of myself as a pretty good-looking guy. You wouldn’t hire me to model in GQ or anything, but I’ve heard a lot…
SEATTLE — Beloved Christmas icon Santa Claus announced today that he is starting a GoFundMe campaign after his sleigh was broken into while on his…
BETHLEHEM, Judea — Three magi arrived at a venue last night for the Christ child shortly after his birth, along with a young drummer who…
Yep, that one! The cylinder with the red shiny wrapping paper. That’s yours — go ahead and open it, Mom. Hope you like it. Merry…
LOS ANGELES — Everclear frontman Art Alexakis was “honestly not surprised” his father made no appearance at the family Christmas gathering for the 52nd year…
CHICAGO — Holiday icon and present delivery mogul Santa Claus admitted this morning that he snuck Bandcamp links to his latest lo-fi EP, “Jingle Beats…
This holiday season, we here at The Hard Times wanted to offer our audience something nice. With all those expensive goods wrapped up and sitting…
NORTH POLE — Members of the organization Stop Treating Animals Badly [STAB] rescued eight reindeer yesterday that were allegedly being exploited by a reclusive hoarder…
Before we start eating, I’d just like to say what we’re all thinking. This is our first Christmas without Uncle Randy. Obviously, we all dearly…
WHITMAN, Mass. — Small town police officer Patrick O’Brien is looking forward to reuniting with old friends and classmates while they’re in the back seat…
ELKTON, Md. — The audience at Saturday night’s The Foothold Precinct show proved to be physically unable and unwilling to give it up for themselves…
ANCHORAGE, Alaska — Local 14-year-old Colton Blewitt resisted the urge to tell his father he loved him today, fearing the declaration might be perceived as…
You may say there’s no such thing as Santa, but me and my Grandpa, we believe. We know all to well that jolly old son…