LOS ANGELES — Upstairs neighbor and generally lame dude Thomas Gordon reduced the size of famed local DIY venue The Shit House by half last…
Each Sunday, The Hard Times travels back and reviews a notable album from the past. This week we tackle the legendary live album from Discharge…
CHERRY HILL, N.J. — Local woman Stacy Tran was reportedly shocked by a recent revelation that she shares a more intimate bond with her shower…
When did America lose its values? There was a time in this country when people knew their neighbors, where they weren’t afraid to greet strangers…
EUGENE, Ore. — Ska/swing revival band Cherry Poppin’ Daddies shared a long-awaited apology accepting blame for their whole deal, including, but not limited to, their…
LOS ANGELES — Recently vaccinated man Albert Kalomatsos posted his out-of-focus vaccine selfie weeks too late for it to even have a symbolic meaning, way…
Well, this was one hell of a barbecue friend, but if you don’t mind helping me find my keys, I’ve got a babysitting gig to…
DALLAS — Rhythm guitarist and craft beer connoisseur Kirk Tenly reportedly hasn’t seen his own pedalboard since the late 2000s due to his protruding stomach,…
Alright, now. Listen to me. You all know me, or at least, you know my reputation. You know how I make my living. This man…
NEW HOPE, Pa. — Local straight man Scott Stevenson was spotted acting weirdly jealous around lesbian woman and acquaintance at best, Samantha Rux, at a…
We Look Back at All of Our Past Failures Because We Just Spilled a Full Beer Goddammit What the Fuck
We Look Back at All of Our Past Failures Because We Just Spilled a Full Beer Goddammit What the Fuck
It’s been a good thirty-odd years of screw-ups, so now seems like as good a time as any to review them in inscrutable detail because…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Progressive metal band Knight Vision announced they are accepting applications from medieval studies majors for a summer internship offering practical application of…
DUCKBURG, Calisota — Multi-billionaire businessfowl Scrooge McDuck is questioning his decision to convert his wealth to cryptocurrency after realizing he would not be able to…
Alright, now I’m starting to get skeptical. I went in here to take a piss during this Battle of the Bands and, while the facilities…
Internet Can’t Fucking Wait to Push Newly Famous Artist to Psychological Ruin
SEATTLE, WA — Internet commentators and online communities announced this morning that they are “fucking stoked” to push recently famous musician Hank Todd past the…