There’s something off about Josh, and it isn’t his impossibly perfect skin. This guy is glowing, there’s no denying that. But behind that blemish-free face,…
BOULDER, Colo. — Local white man Jacob Foley spent over twenty minutes deciding which hot sauce purchase would best reflect the fact that he opposes…
When Stephanie McKinley called me an ugly big-nosed freak in 9th grade, I knew I was destined for great things. Who knows where I would…
CHICAGO — Alternative rock legends Smashing Pumpkins announced that they will be reuniting their founding roster, which includes drummer Jimmy Chamberlin, guitarist James Iha, bassist…
Like Elon Musk, I’m a doer, not a talker. So when I noticed the online attacks against my hero started to ramp up, I knew…
TAMPA, Fla. — Registered sex offender Owen Blevins repeated a familiar process of going door to door in his local suburb, but this time it…
BURBANK, Calif. — Executives at Columbia Pictures ordered the production of two more children from the talented loins of Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke thanks…
PORTLAND, Ore. — An innovative Rose City landlord demanded additional compensation from one of his tenants for the extra hour of rental home possession she…
MADISON, Wis. — Indie folk artist Bon Iver’s recent show at the Iron Plaid was completely drowned out by the sound of some guy eating…
Like clockwork, here comes the Sun telling us we can go back to “Standard Time” as if it’s doing us a favor. First off, when…
Every Sunday, we dig into the archives to review a classic album. This week, we are taking a look at Wu-Tang Clan leader RZA’s solo…
RENO, Nev. – Local doom metal darlings Swamp Creatures released their new signature coffee beans to let their fans they’re absolutely done making good music,…
My girlfriend Liz recently attended her first metal show, and here are 10 things she said. It’s Nice Not to Have to Wait in Line…
I know that this is an emergency situation and we here at Sacred Heart Hospital are bound by the Hippocratic Oath to do everything we…
OSLO, Norway — Members of the black metal band Flesheating Cadaver are reportedly entirely unaware that they have accidentally chosen a death metal name, vicariously…