ORLANDO, Fla. — A new long sleeve shirt design for death metal band Gorebomb is confusing fans with its overwhelming amount of designs plastered all over it, several brutal sources report.
“Real death metal is all about excessively violent imagery, any metalhead worth their sleeveless vest knows that. That’s why a 9-panel shirt filled with an abundance of gore and death is exactly what the public want and needs,” Gorebomb singer Devon Johnson explained while hiking up his camo shorts. “The more gore, the better. The more logos, the better. Every single color under the sun should be plastered on every inch of a death metal band’s shirt and Gorebomb accomplished this with our exclusive ‘Blunt Force Trauma 2022’ tour shirt design. Not made for logo-only shirt wimps.”
Gorebomb fan Danielle Lee purchased the long sleeve shirt at a show and decided after wearing it, she was left with more than a few gripes.
“I thought it looked pretty cool up on the rack behind the merch table, but little did I know, the design I was looking at was just one sleeve,” Lee said while looking down at the ludicrously designed shirt. “It doesn’t need the bloody chainsaws on each elbow. All the tiny Gorebomb logos around the neck are probably going to give me a rash. Every time I look at the shirt I see something new. At this point, I’m wondering if it’s magically sprouting new designs on its own. I’ve never owned a shirt that can’t be folded, and the thing weighs like 30 pounds!”
Randy Wilkes, a press operator at the t-shirt shop where Gorebomb had their shirts made, talks about the difficulties he faced creating the chaotic design.
“My god, I’m still sore from busting my ass after that grueling seven weeks,” Wilkes explained. “Yeah, seven weeks! It took that long to make a limited run of just 25 of these things. I worked full weeks working 12-hour days to get these fucking shirts made. I missed my kid’s birthday! It put us over our budget for screen printing ink for the year already. It’s like they just wanted to see how many logos they could fit on the sleeves or something. I know I wouldn’t want to wear something that obnoxiously violent.”
At press time, Gorebomb was seen making a limited run of visceral sweatpants with “Gorebomb” plastered across the rear end.