BUFFALO, N.Y. — Crust-punk presidential candidate Leo “Swamp” Marsh revealed plans today to slash employment opportunities during an impassioned campaign speech held in vacant hotel…
CHICAGO — Impish, iconoclastic musician Björk utterly vanished in plain sight last night after allegedly being tricked into uttering “kröjb” aloud during her concert, several…
MARRAKESH, Morocco — An archaeological discovery made outside of Marrakesh yesterday places the extinction of punk rock at roughly 8,000 B.C.E., stunned researchers confirmed. The…
The school shooting in Parkland, Florida — one of the deadliest in modern American history — had many across the country coming together to send…
IRVINE, Calif. — Turtle Rock Elementary 5th-grader and admitted music snob Brandon Mosley insisted on Friday that he prefers “Weird Al” Yankovic’s non-parody works, according…
NEW ORLEANS — Local goth Peter “Draven” McGinty, burdened by his age and weight, has surgically removed his lower two ribs to alleviate his struggles…
How many times does this need to happen in our country before we finally take action? What happened in Florida yesterday was a tragedy, but…
PYEONGCHANG, South Korea — U.S. snowboarder Shaun White exchanged all three of his gold medals this morning for the prestigious Mountain Dew “Dewd-of-the-Year” Trophy following…
PYEONGCHANG, South Korea — D.R.I.’s legendary “Skanker Man” logo was awarded the Olympic silver medal in the men’s 5000 meter speed skate event yesterday afternoon,…
HARTFORD, Conn. — Local comical shirt collector and self-described #Resistance member Jared Wayne was overjoyed this morning by the arrival of his months-old order for…
PYONGYANG, North Korea — Korean pop sensation Jin Dae-Soo, an original member of the K-Pop group POW*BL4ST, is now under the safeguard of the Korean…
OI’ve had strong opinions about politics ever since I picked up a copy of the Dead Kennedys’ “Fresh Fruit and Rotting Vegetables.” The year was…
PHILADELPHIA – A protest sign originally used at the Women’s March to the Polls last weekend has been successfully repurposed for the first all-female Royal…
Jeff Sessions’ crusade against marijuana is damaging to the American economy, harmful to our healthcare system, and totally blows chunks for the band 311. Sessions,…
Enough is enough. When they came for my haircut (a slicked back undercut) I didn’t say anything. Yes, I know, it was a hitler youth…