WASHINGTON — Drummer Cory Adonis of sludge metal band Casket Fissure accidentally opened the biblical Seventh Seal yesterday, commencing the end times by hitting his…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Aspiring musician Evan Wohrman spent the majority of an hour yesterday weighing the pros and cons of bringing home a pair of…
CHANHASSEN, Minn. — Technical difficulties with the ska section of online retailer Rockabilia’s website have gone unnoticed for the third consecutive decade, as no users…
FORT WAYNE, Ind. — Hartfield Insurance sales representative Ernie Boisvert told his coworkers today that he is “…a bit of a musician himself,” apathetic sources…
LOS ANGELES — Legendary emo quartet Rockem Sockem Gobots announced today a 10th anniversary tour celebrating their record Stunted Descension, playing the album in its…
HARTFORD, Conn. — An elite extraction unit was called in last night to save local hardcore kid Tom Rodrigues from a swirling mosh pit after…
STILLWATER, Okla. — Doorjam guitarist and licensed driver Cory Adams passionately disagreed yesterday with his bandmates on what the phrase “treat it like a rental”…
FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. — The singer and one guitarist of punk octet TetrisTetris surprised the other six members of their band yesterday that a new record,…
STAUNTON, Va. — Members of local band Schrödinger’s Wëasel are reportedly questioning bassist Wade Carr’s supposed graphic design experience, which appears limited to creating stick…
WASHINGTON — President Trump reversed this morning an Obama-era policy limiting the amount of guitar solos butt rock bands could include in a single song,…
PARAMUS, N.J. – Publishing company Marion-Waxslaw released the revised 3rd edition of its Pop-Punk Rhyming Dictionary earlier this week, expanded to encompass nearly eight full…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Local father Brett Donaldson let everyone at Disneyland know yesterday that “…he’s no fucking pussy” by proudly wearing his Hatebreed shirt on…