PHOENIX — The lead guitar tech at Kerry King Guitar Clinic attempted an experimental procedure last night to separate local musician Kurt Carstens’ conjoined guitars,…
Well it happened again. You’re irrationally angry and contemplating murder. Everyone feels the urge to kill at least once or twice a weekend, right? Unless…
I’m typically a pretty middle-of-the-road person, so just hear me out. I don’t like radical politics and I think if we all respect and listen…
AUSTIN, Texas — A local Iron Maiden T-shirt came to the sudden realization yesterday, to its horror and disgust, that it was being sold at…
SALINAS, Calif. — Former Van Halen singer Sammy Hagar has discovered a theoretical, second way to rock, following years of “extensive, rockin’ research,” the noted…
I’ve been doomed upon this fate for many of years. Sure, I may look powerful with my crystal ball and steed, but I assure you…
Really? You want to be that guy with the homemade guitar? Ok, well I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. Here’s…
CINCINNATI — 32-year-old claims adjuster Aaron Madson spent the past week listening to classic nü-metal alone in his car “as a joke” for hours before…
CLEVELAND — Recently signed hardcore band Pain on Fire discovered this afternoon that their recent promotional photoshoot was marred by a pleasant grin from their…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — The guitarist and songwriter of a popular metal band was accused yesterday of using excessive umlauts in his tacit admission to…
MOLINE, Ill. — Touring death metal band Spoilation reportedly wasted little time before eating drummer Vic Walsh after their tour van broke down, failing to…
DAYTON, Ohio — Local apartment tenant Adrian Delgado has filed his fifth noise complaint this month with building management, claiming that his next door neighbor…
ALLENTOWN, Penn. — Metal diehard James Allen used the online tax filing platform TaxSlayer yesterday to “eviscerate, desecrate, and properly file” his 1040EZ tax return,…
PITTSBURGH — High school English teacher Dennis Schneider disregarded yesterday’s lesson on George Orwell’s dystopian classic 1984 in favor of “rocking the hell out” to…
International Essay Prize Awarded to YouTube Comment Explaining Why Deafheaven Isn’t Black Metal
MONTREAL — The internationally-recognized Rodgers-Mayhew Essay Award was given yesterday to SoundMatters99, a Youtube commenter who succinctly dissected the genre minutia of popular indie-metal band…