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Terrifying: Meet the Man Still Idolizing Bam Margera

Halloween may be over, but we’ve got something scary to show you. If you were brave enough to read the headline and still click then welcome to your nightmare. We’ll be your guide as we show you a horror the likes of which you’ve never seen. Ladies and gentlemen, step right up to behold the last man alive still idolizing Bam Margera.

“Holy shit” is right. I mean, we can’t hear you but we assume you just said “holy shit.”

Meet Vinny Briggs. A 51 year old accountant who appears to be completely normal on the outside until you notice the faint Element logo hiding under his white dress shirt.

“Bam’s the man, dude! So inspiring!” said Briggs. “Did you know he once drank a gallon of vodka, grabbed his skateboard, did a few ‘nose rails’ if ya know what I mean, and still managed to get behind the wheel of his Lamborghini and do car stunts in a parking lot?!”

“Also, his cholesterol is surprisingly low considering how dead he should be,” Briggs added. “What can I say? He’s my idol.”

 

Honestly, even Bam himself would probably be disturbed by this level of fandom. Can you imagine making your obsession with an entertainer a significant chunk of your personal identity? Oh, also he has a bunch of heartagram tattoos. Not sure why we randomly mentioned that here…

Don’t get us wrong, we at the Hard Times all looked up to Bam as kids and teenagers. But looking back, I think we all owe an apology to our mom’s for all the stuff we broke during our Jackass phase and an apology to our dad’s assuming we had an early growth spurt.

Our thoughts are with Bam and Briggs during this clearly trying time for both of them.

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