DENVER — A song by local fantasy metal band Ölüm is reportedly not even close to being over, despite entering its sixth minute a few…
ATLANTA — A flyer posted on the corkboard of Criminal Records announced that local metal band Fierce Fire is holding auditions for a new guitarist,…
GRAYSLAKE, Ill. — Metal fans and cosplay enthusiasts had no idea that a city administrator for the Lake County Fairgrounds accidentally double-booked the Northern Illinois…
We Asked These 5 Slayer Fans When Exactly It All Went Wrong for Them
Maybe it’s unfair to blame Slayer for their fans’ wild, destructive behavior but it is an undisputed fact that every single Slayer fan is an…
LEIPZIG, Germany — Thrash metal stalwarts Anthrax are “pretty surprised” to be considered one of thrash metal’s “legendary Big Four,” the band members admitted backstage…
Guitarist Running Between Venues to Keep Both Bands From Noticing He Double Booked Himself
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Guitarist Loyd Schneider raced back and forth between two different venues last night after booking shows with his hardcore band The…
Possible Bug? My Band’s EP Has 0 Plays on Spotify
Spotify is the subject of much debate in the music community. While it allows artists to be heard by a wide audience, it also depreciates…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Obsessive festival attendee Argel Anaya molted the entire top layer of his skin today after spending the entire weekend in the sun…
Nü-Metal Tampon Has Seven Strings
WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. — Feminine care brand Playtex and Ibanez Guitars held a joint press conference today to announce a collaboration for a new model of…
Doom Metal Album Intro Either Slow Burn or Complete Waste of 12 Minutes
PORTLAND, Maine. — The intro track of doom metal band Bleak Altar’s newest album is either an “artful, slow burn” or “complete waste of 12…
EL PASO, Texas — Democratic Presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke faced increased scrutiny from political adversaries yesterday following accusations alleging he deleted dozens of nü-metal mp3s…
How to Drown out Boring Band Discussions With Your Sick Drum Solos
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my two on-again-off-again years as a drummer, it’s that drummers are the foundation of any band. Not only…
SKULL MOUNTAIN — The dreaded dragon Pwaun, bringer of fire and pain, was awoken from slumber yesterday upon his hoarded collection of medium-sized band T-shirts…
Zine Names 23 Hottest, Most Eligible Bachelors of Charlotte, NC Stoner Sludge Scene
CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Local zine Weedkiller published their annual list this morning of the hunkiest, most eligible bachelors of Charlotte’s extremely niche stoner sludge scene,…
Much like Children, fantasy is crucial to the emotional and cognitive development of bassists. They need to constantly expand the limits of their imagination in…