DUBAI — Attendees of the COP28 Climate Summit set aside the solutions to impending climate catastrophe after being dazzled by the inclusion of an ostentatious…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local crust punk Rusty Steinman reportedly multiplied at a rapid rate after coming into direct contact with water, confirmed weirded out sources.…
What’s better than sitting down in front of your state-of-the-art 4K television with a premiere sound system and watching a film from the Criterion Collection?…
NEW YORK — Spotify CEO Daniel Ek announced that the company would be laying off one-sixth of its workforce, though affected employees were offered an…
SEATTLE — Local 52-year-old man and longtime vegan James McMorgan is reportedly furious that the currently available meat alternatives kind of taste halfway decent now,…
SEATTLE — Local man Tom Perry was absolutely disgusted after he learned he spent roughly 30 seconds rocking out to a Spotify ad for “Dude…
FREDERICK, Md. – A local movie theater recently removed the front rows of seats so the throngs of attending dads could watch “Napoleon” while standing…
WASHINGTON — A new press release from the APA updated the definition of normal psychological well-being to better reflect the realities of life in the…
Kid Rock Wins Creepy Talent Show After Reciting Verbatim Every Age of Consent Law From All 50 States
Kid Rock Wins Creepy Talent Show After Reciting Verbatim Every Age of Consent Law From All 50 States
WACO, Texas. — Kid Rock was announced as the winner of a local talent show that catered to creeps after he recited the age of…
BALTIMORE — Volunteers with the organization People for the Ethical Treatment of Acoustics (PETA (But Not Assholes)) recently rescued a badly mistreated Yamaha acoustic guitar…
LOS ANGELES – Director David Fincher admits he feels honored to be one of the filmmakers influencing another generation of shitty dudes with his most…
Ever since the little blue creatures originally known as “Les Schtroumpfs” were introduced in a Belgian comic book for weirdos in 1958, humanity has had…
KENT, Conn. — Former diplomat, and noted war criminal, Henry Kissinger died at his home yesterday reportedly of a broken heart brought on by the…
CHICAGO — Local woman Jenna Morris was thrilled to discover that her Spotify Wrapped did not contain any traces of Bo Burnham’s “Inside” this year…
SAN DIEGO – Local man Colin Rafferty found a way to break up the soul-crushing monotony of living his creative dreams by taking on a…