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Conservative Religious Parents Who Banned Harry Potter Books in the 2000s Now Wholeheartedly Embrace J.K. Rowling

STAUNTON, Va. — Local board members at Staunton’s Green Hills of Grace Church are vocally championing J.K. Rowling, despite enforcing a household ban on Harry Potter books in the 1990s and 2000s.

“It’s witchcraft, but it’s anti-woke witchcraft, which we can get behind,” explained volunteer church administrator Nancy Barndale while organizing the rumpus room library. “She’s not anti-trans, she’s just telling it like it is. I like that about Rowling. I like her style. Especially when she posts completely unfounded, propagandistic, hateful horror stories about bathrooms. She’s got some great ideas. She’s not scared of those liberal sheeple in their coastal bubbles with their agenda, you know what I mean? She has grit, plain and simple, like a certain big fella I know. Hint: his initials are J.C. You’ll see we actually include the entire Harry Potter collection now, wedged between Dr. Seuss and Rush Limbaugh’s memoir.”

Real estate lawyer Sarah Barndsale remembers a time when her parents shared a different opinion of Rowling’s work.

“It was non-stop back then. ‘It’s the work of Satan! Get that book of the devil out of here!’ on and on, ugh. It’s ridiculous. I watched half of ‘Prisoner of Azkaban’ at a sleepover, and was grounded for a month,” Barnsdale said while displaying a heavily tattered and dog-eared copy of the final Harry Potter book. “My sisters and I shared this single copy for a year and kept it hidden like fucking contraband. Now my parents ask us if we’re following Rowling online. It’s wild, it’s like vegans becoming cannibals.”

Popular influencer and youth pastor Chet Adams

“I know she’s not American, but she’s a real American,” laughed Adams while setting up a selfie ring light for his daily “Prayers and Shares” on TikTok. “Things are going too far in this country and I gotta say: J.K. Rowling has become an ally. A real ally. Not to borrow a lib term. I’m a Christian first, real American second, and a Potterhead third. I just wish I had a similar voice of truth growing up. Things would have been a lot easier for me if I was able to read Rowling’s Tweets, maybe listen to Alex Jones, or even discover Ben Shapiro earlier.”

Developing reports indicate that Rowling has given a stamp of approval to Green Hills of Grace’s official Easter production, an original play titled ‘Harry Potter and the Justifiable Hate Crimes of the Forbidden Forest’.