LAKE PLACID, N.Y. — Sexually curious man Alex Poe was forced to memorize three pages of acronyms before diving into a new kink, sources who…
SANTA FE, N.M. — Local punk Trevor McGill was shocked but not surprised to find the only existing photo of him not blackout drunk was…
CHICAGO — An undetected and increasingly dangerous leak from a gas main at the Rogers Park punk house, known informally as “The Shitbox,” is the…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Professional punk magician Lyle “Skid” Harber is reportedly creating spectacles at a number of dive bars in his neighborhood by magically making…
NEW YORK — Centrist supervillain Devin “The Devil’s Advocater” Jameston gave an impassioned monologue today revealing his plan for global domination is just ensuring the…
JOLIET, Ill. — Squatmate of the infamous Hell House Rodney “Worm” Mason is facing doubt from his peers after they discovered he owns not just…
AUBURN, N.Y. – Local dad and notorious shit disturber Walter Morris patiently waited for a lull during his family’s lovely Christmas dinner to launch into…
MADISON, Wis. — Local screen printer Peter Taylor admitted he could really use the $10 check his grandmother would send him every Christmas until her…
AKRON, Ohio — Progressive-minded, but very smelly, children across the world woke up to gifts from Crust Punk Santa who enters family homes via the…
NEW YORK — High-ranking Ticketmaster executive Chuck Dickenson reportedly charged significant fees to three ghosts who were visiting to teach him a timely lesson about…
DETROIT — Local man Stuart Bask magically began his transformation into an unfunny conservative after he accidentally killed comedian Tim Allen and discovered that he…
WASHINGTON — President Biden issued thousands of pardons related to marijuana possession in a move that experts say will negate decades of Vice President Harris’…
LOS ANGELES – Local mom Sally Perryman continues to worry that her daughter’s longtime close friend Josephine Lukas — originally met via an online message…
CHICAGO — Local goth couple Caleb and Adrienne Simmons recently decided to break the news to their children that Jack Skellington is not real, sources…
PALO ALTO, Calif. — Stanford University’s Fear Response & Behavioral Sciences Department officially confirmed “Can we talk?” as the scariest text of all time, according…