SAN DIEGO – Local parent Nicholas Klein began to question the playlist he made for his kid’s wild animal-themed birthday party after finally paying attention to the lyrics from The Toadies single “Possum Kingdom,” Sources confirmed.
“I just thought, you know, I’d find a bunch of songs with animal names in the title. Plus the band was called The Toads or something,” said Klein. “I figured they were like The Wiggles or something, just making some fun rock songs for kids. I mean it all starts out fine enough about a walk around a lake. You know, Sammy loves lakes. But then it started talking about lovers and stuff and I got pretty anxious. They asked if I wanted to die like 10 times. And that’s when my wife started screaming ‘Alexa pause!’ over and over again and pulled me into the garage to call me a moron.”
Autumn Liston, a six-year-old attending the party, was particularly pleased by the song.
“I love rock music, it rocks,” said Liston while throwing up the devil horns and jumping around in a circle. “It was especially cool when my dad kept yelling ‘turn this off, turn this off.’ When he gets made his face gets really red, and I thought he was about to explode. Then I saw my dad push Sammy’s dad, it was so funny. That’s what rock music does to you though.”
Jeremy Mayo, a ‘90s Alternative Rock Expert, says new parents often don’t understand the themes of ’90s-era rock songs.
“I’ve seen it happen hundreds of times. People put together a throwback playlist for a wedding or a kids’ party, they think, ‘Hey, Semi Charmed life. That’s upbeat. That’s fun.’ And suddenly grandma is singing about going to Bone Town high on meth. Or ‘Oh, Basket Case, I love baskets. And we’re a cooky crazy family,’ and then they’re doing karaoke at their daughter’s sweet sixteen telling everyone about how they solicited services from a prostitute who was referred to them by their very unprofessional therapist,” said Mayo. “You don’t even want to know how bad it is on the 4th of July. People will throw The Presidents of the United States of America on anything willy nilly and then realize too late that what they thought was an ode to summer fruit is actually about finger-banging.
Nicholas is reportedly looking forward to the rest of the playlist now that he’s removed all ‘90s alt rock songs. He expects to have no problem with “Black Mambo,” “I Wanna Be Your Dog,” and “Tusk.”