MILWAUKEE — Thomas Hannigan, a 22-year-old with a family history of addiction and psychological disorder, is acting like a “complete baby, chickenshit buzzkill, and probably…
With demand growing higher and higher for artisanal, high-quality coffee drinks, it would APPEAR that America’s coffee palate is growing more refined. But is that…
BOSTON – The guy at the end of the bar wearing a gold necklace and brand-new, white Oakley sunglasses, who just ordered a third vodka-Monster,…
SAN FRANCISCO — Confused stoner Tyler Harrison participated in a sleep-study program believing the nocturnal testing session would actually be a thoughtful dissection of the doom-metal…
Sometimes after a long day at work I like to unwind with a couple drinks and write mean reviews for companies online. It’s kinda my…
Everything you wear in middle school is statement about your identity. From your shoes to the sweatshirt, your clothes help your peers recognize where you…
SEATTLE — After Amazon’s announcement it would purchase grocery store chain Whole Foods Market, CEO Jeff Bezos shared schematics for new robotic workers engineered to replicate…
It is a wonderful thing when a song’s lyrics define who you are as a person. It’s even more wonderful when you want those lyrics…
Alright, LISTEN UP, you stupid, mouth-breathing, McDonald’s-eating, SUV-driving idiots. We only get one planet Earth, and you ASSHOLES are KILLING IT! I hope being able…
PHILADELPHIA — Local 33-year-old Seth Bourne is completely unable and unwilling to buy any shoes that are not specifically designed for skateboarding, according to concerned…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — An unsolicited rubbing of the arm of local woman Sarah Collins early yesterday evening confirmed her three tattoos as “100 percent authentic,”…
It’s a complex web of ideologies out there. Our society both progresses and regresses a mile a minute, and if you don’t keep up, you…
BROOKLYN — A neighborhood garden has been left to the elements a full 60 days ahead of projections in a “triumph of underachievement,” according to…
It is very important that cisgender white males like myself take our privilege and use it in service to various communities that need our support.…
SEATTLE — A local couple expecting their first child began to baby-proof their lifestyle earlier this month, requiring major alterations to their array of facial…