MARIETTA, Ohio — Local toddler Samantha McKinnon was completely indifferent yesterday when her grandmother feigned taking Samantha’s nose during a family get-together, sources close to the child confirmed.
“Cookie Monster,” the 19-month-old Samantha said curtly when reached for comment, leaving the room to watch Sesame Street.
The toddler allegedly has a storied history of “not paying heed to these common tricks.”
“When she was a baby, we’d try to play peekaboo, but Samantha could give two fucks if we disappeared. I love that about her,” said Betsy. “When her Aunt Regina pretended to remove her own thumb, I swear, Samantha just gave her the middle finger and walked away.”
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However, those close to Samantha worry about their ability to play tricks on the child as she ages.
“I’m not even going to ask that kid if she wants a Hertz donut,” Cricket Splitter bassist and family friend Murray Beaumont confirmed. “She’s gonna see right through that and clock me right in the face. I know it.”
Samantha’s father Derrick, who declined to comment, allegedly tossed both a joy buzzer and a whoopee cushion he had in his pockets into a nearby trash bin shortly after the nose removal incident.
At press time, Samantha indicated no plans to indulge her grandmother, who still technically has not “returned” her nose.
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Article by Joe Rumrill @2tonbug.