COLD SPRING, N.Y. — The local corn maze at Humble Seeds Orchard reportedly caused a record 57 relationships to end in a single season, sources…
GRAND ISLAND, Neb. — Local doctor Harvin Smill found himself visibly sweaty this morning responding with a mumbled sequence of “uhhh yeah me too, totally,…
DUXBURY, Mass. — Local affluent teen Cody Milligan was confused by President Biden’s recent pardon of people arrested for Marijuana possession since he never knew…
DALLAS – Local man Shane Whitlock recently blew the two-drink minimum at a small, laid-back music venue clear out of the fucking water, according to…
CHELSEA, Mich. — The right leg of local One Man Band “Dandy Dale’s Ragshackle Ramtime Revue” is leaving to pursue a solo kick drum career…
BALTIMORE — Relatives of recently deceased punk Bryan Allen decided to postpone the beginning of his funeral until a few more mourners show up, sources…
CHICAGO — Local couple Nicole Vario and Peter Brooks opted to stay together as the mere idea of dating caused both of them to become…
PARIS — Kanye West continued to cause a stir at Paris Fashion Week when he followed up his controversial “White Lives Matter” shirt with a…
IRVINE, Calif. — Susy Q’s, a new ‘50s-themed diner, opened its doors recently, revealing a shocking rockabilly presence within the city to the crowd attending…
SHERIDAN, Wyo. — Elder millennial Connor Allison suffered an existential crisis upon realizing the actor playing a “geriatric old fart” in one of his favorite…
WHEELING, W. VA — Aging punk roommate Dennis “Onion” Wilkins ritualistically bequeathed the key that allows them to steal toilet paper from Wendy’s to his…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local tattoo artists are preparing for a huge wave of clients requesting the absolute stupidest, dumbshit tattoos possible in the wake of…
PHILADELPHIA — A black Roomba S-694 autonomous robotic vacuum cleaner is, in fact, the only tenant in a local punk house with a job, according…
LOS ANGELES — Concert-goers at the legendary Smoking Barrel recently learned that the club has never had to refill the contents of its bathroom soap…
PHOENIX — Local punk Frankie “Bullet” Higgins is quietly and privately working through the trauma of leaving his Yellow American Spirits sitting in the scorching…