FORT WAYNE, Ind. — A vintage Pac-Man arcade cabinet belonging to area laundromat Sudsy’s Soak ‘n Scrub is reportedly the establishment’s most technologically advanced piece…
KENOSHA, Wisc. — Judge Bruce Schroeder called for a recess after a long day of court proceedings in the Kyle Rittenhouse trial to sheepishly request…
BETHESDA, Md. — Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease, recently gave approval for venues to continue the common…
KALAMAZOO, Mich. — The local police department issued a public service announcement this morning warning the populace to be aware of dangerous anarchist activity downtown,…
CHICAGO — Aging goth Ashe Montresor is barely managing to push through their daily 170-minute ritual of applying the appropriate makeup to make them look…
WASHINGTON — President Joe Biden dozed off “for a good thirty or forty seconds” at a lectern while delivering an apology for his recent sleeping…
SEATTLE — Local punk Jonathan “Johnny Balls” Denick has given full legal power of attorney to a dog with a bandana named Roscoe, according to…
WELLAND, Ontario — Local hardcore kid Jordan Trimble announced his intentions to destroy the only intact ceiling tile remaining in the Lion’s Club seconds before…
JOHNSON CITY, N.Y. — Local clothes launderer Dee Chanthavong nearly realized his lifelong fantasy of diving headfirst into a pile of shiny coins after being…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local son Austin Miller was held hostage for nearly 20 minutes this evening amid his father’s annual retelling of the time he…
MANHATTAN, Kan. — The roommates of lifelong punk Herbert “Sloshed” Stevens have learned to whisper and spell out the word “bath” when discussing their malodorous…