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If There Isn’t a War on Christmas Why Was I Just Arrested in Santa’s Village for Indecent Exposure?

The lamestream media will try to convince you that the War on Christmas is a bunch of made-up right-wing propaganda meant to stoke political division and societal fear. Okay Sherlock, if that’s the case then how do you explain the fact that I was just arrested in Santa’s Village for simply celebrating my Christian faith? And also for something the cops referred to as “indecent exposure.”

I’m sick of having to hide my religion in order to cater to the woke mob. Jesus died for my sins for a reason: so I can proudly commemorate the season by visiting the local mall totally buck naked because that’s my right as a God-fearing patriot.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt unwelcome simply for expressing my beliefs while screaming at the top of my lungs in the middle of a public place, totally nude. I should be able to honor my Christendom any way I want and that includes entering Santa’s Village or Target the same way little baby Jesus entered this world, absolutely bare-assed.

This country was better off when we all embraced J-Christ, the one true king. Now a bunch of bureaucrats are forcing shopkeepers to market to all religions at the expense of mine, the only one sanctioned by the Heavenly Father and the beautiful angels on Fox & Friends.

If we want our kids to enjoy the same traditions we had, we need to stick together and fight the lefty fascists the best way we can: with the bible’s sacred gospel and our glorious Christian schlongs exposed and shining brightly for all the world to see.