Relationships are tough, and with all the butt stuff going on now they’ve only gotten trickier. So, the sexologists at the Hard Times are here…
It’s tough being an entrepreneur with all the inflation and unnecessary food safety regulations these days. I moved from liberal Michigan to Florida, and let…
Where are my beers? They’re, like, all gone. And there’s no way my roommate drank ‘em because I remember explicitly telling Piss Dan not to.…
NEW YORK – Local punk Chris Lanning was recently caught in the embarrassing act of cutting both an all-beef frank and blow with the same…
The Monkees were NBC’s biggest posers besides so-called “cop killer” turned pig, Ice T. But they were far from the only bullshit artists to slither…
I finally got a chance to sit down and talk with my best friend to find out what they think of my band. You guys…
Running a business is hard right now. With the unreliable supply chain, labor shortages, and the price of materials, any business is lucky to make…
When I first heard Metallica was doing another album with the world-famous San Francisco Symphony a few years ago, I was like, “Symphonies are for…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. – Sophomore Cinema and Media Studies power couple Rumi Saito and Kyle Reynolds are having difficulty selecting a dogshit film they will spend…
Some people pair outfits and accessories or wine and cheese, but my specialty is pairing well-crafted cocktails with pants-shitting anger and toxic self-righteousness. Sometimes, normal,…
SOUTH BEND, Ind. – Rumors of sexual tension between Martin’s Super Market employees Jordan Williams and Jackie Martinez were determined to be completely one-sided, nosy…
LAKEVILLE, Ind. – Townsfolk are bracing for waves of fiery lust caused by local sex symbol Scott Bailey’s distended, green Godsmack bellybutton tattoo as shirtless…
Sorry, bro, but we’re out of mediums. We don’t have one in any of the other tees, long-sleeve tees, pullovers, crewnecks, zip-ups, or windbreakers, either.…
Ew bro, put that White Claw down. Do you actually think that mass-produced piss water is good? Bro, wait until you try my next batch…
I know you aren’t a big fan of Dave, but this is a really long tour. He’s a great guy with a colorful sense of…