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Growing Your Business Is Easy When You Sell Signs for White People To Hang in Their Living Room

Running a business is hard right now. With the unreliable supply chain, labor shortages, and the price of materials, any business is lucky to make a buck.

Know what industry isn’t hurting? The white people sign industry. Growing your business is easy when you sell signs for white people to hang in their living rooms! In times like these, we’ll pay more to live, laugh, and love than ever!

Whenever my wife sleeps with Devin–a partner at her law firm–I buy a new sign because they remind me that life really is better by the lake. I mean, our vehicles are new, our home is impeccable, and I can always afford my cart at T.J. Maxx, so why am I so upset?

Sometimes, I sleep in one of the guest bedrooms just to see my favorite sign: In this house we have fun, work hard, and laugh loudly. I also sleep there to avoid being touched by an ice-cold bitch that thinks I’ll forget what happened at the winery last weekend.

I bought this aluminum “Every family has a story. Welcome to ours!” sign from West Elm and hung it on the shiplap by our white brick fireplace. It looks great and reminds me this nightmarish existence is totally normal and fine! I love to hang family pictures around it and pretend we’re happy even though this house is a trap I can’t escape because the cooking, cleaning and chauffeuring never end and my wife is always working late even though she’s probably just nailing her boss!

Don’t you love the giant EAT sign I hung in the kitchen while Ashley was on her last vacation–SORRY! work trip!–to Cabo? It was on sale at Target! I’m #blessed because I’d probably just close the sliding barn door to our pantry, pull my hair, and scream all afternoon without this cute little reminder to eat a sandwich.

It’s clear our twins Breighlynne and Jaxtyn don’t respect me, but as long as this distressed wood sign says it’s 5 o’clock somewhere, I have permission to drink a bottle-and-a-half of Chardonnay for breakfast.

I’ve run out of space in my house which is why I’m making and selling them on Etsy now. Filling other people’s homes with these signs is the only thing keeping me from going down the drain of disappointment and palpable sadness that is my life!

Too blessed to be stressed, am I right?