DAVENPORT, Iowa — Local delinquent Christine Pritchard surprised friends and family when she somehow obtained a prescription for cigarettes, according to impressed fellow small-time grifters.…
HOUSTON — Soon-to-be retired senator Joe Manchin’s suit was hung from the rafters at ExxonMobil’s headquarters during a tearful farewell ceremony, according to alarmingly wealthy…
BRATTLEBORO, Vt. — Fans of random video chat site Omegle were shocked to find their favorite method of meeting new online friends and seeing random…
MANCHESTER, England — Singer Morrissey’s so-called “evil” identical twin Montgomery is by all accounts a kind, well-liked bloke, according to jolly, red-faced sources at his…
If you don’t know your music history you are doomed to repeat your music history. Here are all the key events that happened on this…
The seedy nightclub scene has long been a staple of cinema and television, often serving as an inversion of the characters’ everyday lives—a metaphorical (and…
DETROIT — Punk rock loving octogenarian Edith Bettencourt placed a pan of her fresh, warm crack cocaine on her kitchen windowsill to cool, according to…
You have to know your history. Here are some of the notable moments in music history from today, September 3rd. 1723: Johann Sebastian Bach Awakens…
LOS ANGELES — The Motion Picture Association of America announced they would not grant the upcoming Willy Wonka prequel a PG rating if a scene…
In the beginning, there was punk. Then, after a few years of tumult, punk begat post-punk. The fundamentalists among you may be asking, “If post-punk…
MENOMONEE FALLS, Wis. — Local youngster Phoebe Flax, age 9, is reportedly selling loose cigarettes alongside her delicious lemonade, according to teenagers enjoying the smooth,…
CLAREMONT, Calif. — University student Lisa Dempsey discovered the latter half of her boyfriend’s copy of David Foster Wallace’s titanic novel “Infinite Jest” to be…
PRESCOTT, Ariz. — Local metal enthusiast Griff Nilsson asked his doctor to adjust the persistent ringing in his ears to a pitch that was more…
FALL RIVER, Mass. — Local 37-year-old punk Ryan Foley realized he had inadvertently abstained from drugs and alcohol long enough to be considered straight edge,…
CALHOUN, Ga. — Irate Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene began drafting articles of impeachment against staff at the Applebee’s restaurant when her order didn’t appear in…