CLARKSVILLE, Tenn. — Hannah and Jack Lungo experienced both anger and relief upon realizing they hadn’t been invited to their friends’ wedding, according to sources who were invited and had to hear all about it.
“When we saw all these people on social media talking about Lucy and Dan’s upcoming wedding, we were outraged,” said Hannah. “We practically introduced those two, and now they can’t even invite us? I can’t think of why they would leave us out, unless it’s to do with that time Jack got drunk at game night and threw up on their cat. In any case, we were pissed off—that is, until we saw that the wedding was in Colorado. We wound up being pretty relieved that we didn’t have to spend all that time and money on flights, a gift and a hotel. Fuck ‘em, they’re not worth all that. No one is.”
Conversely, mutual friend Constance Washington and her partner were initially excited to be invited to the wedding.
“We really like Lucy and Dan,” said Washington as she struggled to close an overstuffed suitcase. “So we were psyched that we made the cut. But then we found out it was a ski-themed destination wedding, and that kind of put a damper on things. That means taking time off of work, hiring a dog sitter and refilling my Xanax script so I can fly without having a panic attack. And Jesus, the packing! You ever try cramming a gown and snow pants into a carry-on? Besides, we don’t even ski!”
Psychologist Wendy Spangler advises people to take pleasure when plans are canceled or when they’re not invited to an event.
“I remind patients to relish in what the Germans call ‘Stornierungsfreude,’ or the joy of canceled plans,” said Spangler. “I would tell this couple not to be disappointed, and rather to enjoy their newfound free time. Instead of the headache of travel, they are free to rest comfortably in their own home. Instead of enduring arduous, banal small-talk at the table full of strangers they’d inevitably be placed at, the two of them can eat burritos and binge watch the new season of ‘Fargo.’ They are free to do anything they like now—or better yet, nothing at all!”
At press time, the Lungos were reportedly cozily nestled on their couch, giddily scrolling Instagram pictures of the wedding, which was ruined by heavy rain.