Page 5 – HARDTIMES

August 25, 2021

RENO, Nev. — Couples therapy specialist and nu metal enthusiast Dr. Stephen Hoffman has found it’s best not to take…

August 12, 2021

Horrible news. It looks like Chris, our friend who drove us to the party, wants to stay longer. He seems…

June 8, 2021

As a Capricorn, there are few things I can’t stand as much as Libras. They are emotionally detached, self-pitying pacifists.…

May 30, 2021

ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Somewhat popular spokesmutant the Noid returned from self-imposed isolation which immediately resulted in newly leaked emails…

May 7, 2021

BERKELEY, Calif. — Local house sitter and frequent self gratifier David Baker is currently debating how long into his job…

April 13, 2021

DRAG KINGDOM — The tyrannical Drag Queen known as Cleo Fabtra was overthrown in an absolutely fabulous revolution by drag…

March 9, 2021

LOS ANGELES — Political commentator Ben Shapiro admitted today that he doesn’t like the paintings of renowned artist Georgia O’Keeffe…

December 22, 2020

2020 has been one hell of a year for music. We heard, at least. We'll be honest. After turning 30…

November 22, 2020

LOS ANGELES — Seminal hair metal band Mötley Crüe finally revealed yesterday the deeper meaning to the enigmatic song “Girls,…

November 14, 2020

HOLLYWOOD — “Animaniacs” star Yakko Warner has refused to acknowledge the existence of Israel in an updated version of the…