Ten Underrated Moon Ska Records Albums to Listen to Next Time You Go Fedora Shopping

Posted on by Scott Waldman

Ska may be a punchline to some, but to us it’s also a punchline. Still, there are some high quality ska bands that deserve notoriety, and we’re here to highlight some that you rudeboys and girls may or may not know about… If you’re aware of any of these, you have porkpie hat cred. Basically, Moon Ska Records led the pack from their inception in 1983 until 2000 when pretty much every single ska band attempted to distance themselves from the then-dreaded word by substituting upstrokes and horns with keys. It made sense at the time, but these acts were still sadly pigeonholed to many as ska or ska-adjacent so few took off and most split up. For this piece bands like The Toasters, Spring Heeled Jack, The Pietasters, and Dance Hall Crashers are disqualified from entry as they are too large to be considered underrated.

The Adjusters “Before the Revolution” (1998)

Get off of your seat and let’s start skanking to the beat: If you like your portions of ska with about a million band members, complex carbohydrates, plant-based protein, and deep dish pizza/casserole then boy do we have the band/album for you! Chicago, Illinois’ The Adjusters’ sophomore full-length album “Before the Revolution” is a fantastic sequel to their debut LP “The Politics of Style,” which was released on Jump Up! Records. Soul and ska make an awesome pairing just like the aforementioned The Pietasters, and The Adjusters showcase such with style and finesse! People do make the world go round, and the band’s loose roots made them a welcome addition to any ska-tinged bill. Sadly the band split in 2003, the year their third record, the gloriously named “Otis Redding Will Save America” was released.

The Allstonians “Go You!” (1994)

Boston, Massachusetts is usually known for insufferable accents and random fist fights on the street, but if you manage to namedrop their city’s ska act The Allstonians more frequently than you do global sensations The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, then “go you,” this piece is for you. If not, it’s all good, we still have a hell of a hat as a consolation prize. Like The Adjusters and so many more ska acts, The Allstonians have had many, many band members from their inception in 1992 until they closed shop shortly after Donald Trump got elected. If you only pick one song from this full-length studio album to take a gander at on Spotify, try “Mariachi Go Ska!” and help get it to 200,000 streams or multi-platinum status; as of press time, it currently sits atop their popular song list at 178,200.

The Bluebeats “Dance With Me” (1996)

Easily the album listed here with the friendliest and most welcoming title, the state of New York’s The Bluebeats, featuring the former lead singer of the yet to be mentioned The Scofflaws, Mike Drance, goes the traditional ska route in style. “Dance With Me,” The Bluebeats’ debut full-length studio album sure has a lot of songs with the word “me” in their respective titles, but somehow is endearing enough to not be narcissistic. So come on, babies, let us see your pretty smiles whilst listening to this LP… It’s difficult NOT to grin to this record so don’t get too crazy. Also, fans of fellow Moon Ska Records acts Laurel Aitken and Hepcat will truly enjoy “Dance With Me” front to back with generous sides of well pressed suits and dancing shoes.

Edna’s Goldfish “The Elements of Transition” (1999)

Long Island, New York’s Edna’s Goldfish may have had a silly name AND a CD release show without a CD present for their debut full-length studio album, “Before You Knew Better” via Moon Ska’s subsidiary label, Ska Satellite Records, but their follow-up sophomore album “The Elements of Transition” is where they really came into their own while simultaneously paying homage to the genre as the band incorporated new influences. The album’s single “Veronica Sawyer” became an anthem for the area codes 516, 631, and beyond, and even got showcased by the then-influential MTV show “120 Minutes’. Fun fact: Non-Moon Ska Records act that you love or hate, hate, Reel Big Fish paid tribute to the song quite well on their 2009 cover album “Fame, Fortune and Fornication,” which also featured RBF ska-punk versions of John Mellencamp, Van Morrison, Toots and the Maytals, and The English Beat tunes.

Memphiskapheles “God Bless Satan” (1994)

If you requested your ska multi-course dinner with a generous side of Satan, the hilariously and scarily named Memphiskapheles will make you hail below. Fronted by Andre A. “The Nubian Nightmare” Worrell, and usually containing a plethora of musicians, “God Bless Satan” tows the line at being quite critically acclaimed to dorks the world over and unknown for all others. If you caught the band rocking Irving Plaza in NYC in 1998 with ska-punk peers The Suicide Machines and Telegraph, and one of the more underrated punk bands Limp without the Bizkit, you were treated to a show that felt like heaven, but was literally created in hell. In closing, try to find a more fun and raucous ska cover than Memphiskapheles’ vivid interpretation in musical form of “The Bumblebee Tuna Song”; we are still waiting.

Ruder Than You “Horny For Ska” (1996)

Don’t judge a book by its cover or an album by its title or, uh, cover. Opening with a Black Sabbath classic is a bold move for any band in any genre, but Nittany Lions are often strong with their athletics and their blind allegiance to the now-disgraced Joe “JoePa” Paterno, so it didn’t come as THAT much of a surprise. Formed in State College, Pennsylvania, Ruder Than You relocated to Philadelphia and took the East Coast ska scene by storm for those in the know, yo, yet still managed to be considered underrated by the general public and definitely you, unless they aren’t. “Horny For Ska” also has some solid hip-hop influences for your Uncle Albert who loves Public Enemy, and that is NOT a Misskaculation; we’ll see ourselves out even though we didn’t come up with that pun.

The Scofflaws “Self-Titled” (1991)

The oldest entry listed in this piece from another Long Island band, specifically Huntington, The Scofflaws, is a fun listen front to back in self-titled glory from the year that grunge broke, and not the three-four month period that ska was on top in the mid-90s. Who would’ve thought that they’d be one of two for 1998’s Ska-Lo-Ween opening for Reel Big Fish, a band you likely hate but they freaking shred, in a Sam Ash parking lot near Roosevelt Field mall on LI? Not you! Anyway, The Scofflaws may be the biggest band listed here, but ask a casual Sublime, No Doubt, or even Goldfinger fan to name three songs from the band, and you won’t be surprised with the nil results. This is the second and last of two entries to feature vocalist Mike Drance. Party on, Mike. Party on, Drance.

Skavoovie and the Epitones “Fat Footin’” (1995)

Now we’re at the portion of this piece wherein we list the first of three bands starting with the letters “S” and “K,” even though the last entry was a cheat code with “S” and “C,” but we’ll let it slide: Massachusetts’ Skavoovie and the Epitones survived the wackiest or second wackiest band name next to Memphiskapheles in this piece, and their sophomore full-length studio album “Fat Footin’” not only contains amazing melodies, but it has an apostrophe; what more do you want? Like a lot of other acts listed above, Skavoovie and the Epitones have a large number of band members, which makes sense given their, wait for it, BIG band influences… Skavoovie and the Epitones literally buy what they’re selling! Sadly, the band had a short run from 1994, when ska was about to rise, to 1999, when it certainly fell down.

Skinnerbox “What You Can Do, What You Can’t” (1997)

If you hung out in the dredges of a pre-gentrified St. Marks Place in New York City in the mid-’90s, you already have a Skinnerbox t-shirt, but if you didn’t, we doubt that you know of the band, UNLESS you’re a hardcore King Django fan, which you aren’t. The band’s fourth full-length studio album “What You Can Do, What You Can’t” is their lone Moon Ska Records release, and our favorite from the band. If you aren’t old enough to register for the American military, or buy stupid cigarettes, we do not give you permission to view its lude/crude album cover. We know that you will comply with this request, and we respect you for doing so… Things get out of hand! Regardless of whether you’re Stubborn or not, the band had a more than solid nine year run, and we’d love to hear from them again this century.

The Skoidats “The Times” (1997)

Let’s close this out with a cool anti-racist Skinhead but non-Bonehead racist ska band, Helena, Montana’s The Skoidats! This band had the shortest run of all bands in this piece at just under two years, but definitely quite an impact for those in the know. One may not associate the state of Montana with upstrokes and checkers, but The Skoidats avoided all stereotypes for such, and their beefy multi-genre sound that appeals to both fans of The Business and The Slackers. “The Times” is an enjoyable listen despite the fact that it isn’t on streaming platforms such as Spotify, but you sleuths can find it if you work really hard. In closing, check out The Skoidats and the nine underrated acts we listed above. Ska-lom!

Ska Cinderella Presented With Pair of Glass Checkered Vans

Posted on by Sara Božin

LOS ANGELES – Local ska enthusiast Claudia Lopez was given a surprise pair of checkered Vans made out of glass to wear to an upcoming music festival, enchanted sources report.

“You know how there’s always that one older person who hangs out at house shows, and you’re not really sure what their story is or where they came from? Well, I think that kindly old crone was my fairy godmother all along,” said Lopez excitedly, as she tried the Vans on and admired them in her bedroom mirror. “She gave me these shoes to wear to the festival, and some other magic stuff. Only thing is the spell wears off by midnight, and that might be a problem because I don’t think any of the bands will have gone on by then. Still, it was really cool of her.”

Brunhilde the Good Fairy of the North, a mystical being who likes to attend local ska shows for some reason, confirmed that she was the one who blessed Lopez with the magical gift.

“Claudia seems like a nice kid. The thing with the rats hanging around her sort of threw me at first, but I just assumed she was a crust punk. I thought she might appreciate my limited edition set of Vans that I’ve never really worn,” explained North, while casually levitating. “Even though part of the reason I gave them to her was because I just didn’t feel like making a trip to drop them off at Goodwill, I didn’t want her to think that. So I may have overcompensated a bit by going extra hard with the magic.”

Lopez’s oddly rat-like designated driver for the evening Mr. Crumbs weighed in on the fairy tale events.

“As someone who is clearly a normal human person, I can imagine getting a glass pair of shoes probably is not something that happens often,” said Crumbs bewilderedly, while licking both his hands and then using them to groom his mustache. “But frankly, I do not know what it is like to wear shoes. I also do not know how to drive a car. Don’t worry about it.”

At press time, Lopez was reportedly asked to change shoes by security due to the music festival not allowing glass inside the venue.

Guidance Counselor Suggests Students Check Out His Ska Band

Posted on by Ryan Danley

PITTSBURGH — Greenwood High School Guidance Counselor Ben Harkins is facing allegations of promoting his newly formed ska band to students instead of providing information on college and career opportunities, prompting concerns among parents and school administrators.

“As a guidance counselor, I need to stay connected with the interests of the youth. No one wants to be counseled by someone stuck in the classic rock era. That’s why I started ‘The SKAlers,’ knowing it would resonate with the students. Kids love ska,” said Harkins from his office near the cafeteria. “Some parents don’t see the value of ska, but its multicultural elements offer more than what students might get in those so-called social studies classes. How could I not invite them to our all-ages show at the Greenwood Community Center on Friday night? Would you like a flier?”

While Harkins’ intentions appear to be innocent, Student President Dawn Gaviette believes that discussions about ska should be moderated.

“I used to appreciate Mr. Harkins; he was considered one of the more approachable faculty members. However, since he started his Ska band, it’s become the sole topic of conversation, and it’s noticeably changed his demeanor. The other day, I went into his office to discuss my SAT scores, and he was wearing a fedora. How am I supposed to take a guy in a fedora seriously?” said Gaviette. “When I asked him about potential career paths, he began discussing how Gwen Stefani wasn’t into ska when No Doubt first started. I’m not sure how that relates to my career plans, and honestly, I’m questioning if No Doubt even qualifies as a ska band.”

As concerns from students and parents increase, GHS Principal Dr. Sam Whitley urges everyone to stay calm and assures that he has the situation under control.

“As an administrator, I’ve always encouraged my teachers to have outside interests that enrich their relationships with students, but there’s a time and place for everything, I had to draw the line at Mr. Harkins’ suggestion to incorporate ‘skanking’ into our P.E. program,” said Dr. Whitley. “After discussing the significant student complaints and the walkout triggered by the Ska talk, we reached a mutual understanding. If you’d like to discuss this further, join me at Roscoe’s Bar on Saturday night, where I spin Rockabilly vinyl.”

Harkins was maybe available for further comments, but he was in a heated debate with another guy about the 4th wave, and we didn’t want to deal with that.

Top 25 Worst Ska Songs to Play During the First Dance at Your Wedding

Posted on by Bobby Korec

Weddings are a celebration of love. To many, ska is the antithesis of that. Sure, those people are weird, but you must factor in other peoples’ feelings when it comes time to plan your own personal wedding reception. Especially your first dance. To avoid potential embarrassment among your family, friends, and that one guy from high school who you kind of knew but needed another person to fill out table #12 at the wedding, these are the worst ska songs you can play during your first dance with your spouse. (Listen to the playlist, click here)

25. The Hippos “Lost It” (1999)

Perhaps surprisingly, you somehow managed to get the Hippos to be your wedding band because they didn’t have anything else going on that day and they just so happen to know the ska version of the “Cha Cha Slide.” But there’s just no way your guests can stomach the recorded version of ska today after hours of the live stuff.

24. Less Than Jake “Johnny Quest Thinks We’re Sellouts” (1996)

On the surface, selling out has nothing to do with holy matrimony. But on a deeper level, the Hanna-Barbera cartoon character from the 1960s named Jonny Quest who thinks you’ve sold out just might. Either way, your parents will have a lot of questions, half of which will be about why you went with checkerboard Vans for wedding day shoes.

23. We Are The Union “Morbid Obsessions” (2021)

It goes without saying that words like “morbid” or any of its synonyms don’t belong on the wedding day rotation. Save that for when you get the $3,000 bill for the floral arrangements alone. Truly macabre.

22. The Arrogant Sons of Bitches “So Let’s Go Nowhere” (2006)

One of the most prevalent wedding first dance songs is “All of Me” by John Legend. Putting on a Jeff Rosenstock-based track when your guests are expecting something more sensual like R&B, will only frighten everyone. Striking terror in the hearts of your guests should not be the goal today.

21. The Mighty Mighty Bosstones “The Impression That I Get” (1997)

Some people may actually remember this one and say something like, “Hey, I remember this one.” That will only distract everyone from the fact that this moment is about you and maybe your spouse, not the Mighty Mighty Bosstones. They can dedicate any other time to conversations about the Bosstones, just not this one.

20. Operation Ivy “Yellin’ In My Ear” (1989)

Doesn’t matter how legendary the ska band is, it does not make a whole lot of sense to play them on the best day of your life. Well, according to your mom anyway. She just doesn’t get it. And you know what, mom? I guess it wasn’t just a phase.

19. Catch 22 “9mm and a Three Piece Suit” (1998)

Judging by the lyrics, this song is about a Tarantino-style robbery or murder spree. In theory, this should be a nice change of pace to the Ed Sheeran everyone is used to hearing at weddings. However, somehow everyone looks confused and concerned for their well-being.

18. Kill Lincoln “I’m Fine (I Lied)” (2024)

Playing this song will only make more sense why this was a destination wedding to Nebraska. Clearly, you wanted to take advantage of the “ska” pun in the state’s name. If anything, this might make guests relieved you can’t make a ska-related pun out of the French Riviera. Way more expensive.

17. The Aquabats “Super Rad!” (1997)

The Aquabats’ fan base tends to be literal children, so unless you want a bunch of kids interrupting your first dance and taking the spotlight away from you then might we suggest one of the more boring and less fun love songs. Kids hate drab sentimental tracks.

16. Mustard Plug “Beer (Song)” (1997)

This one will only remind everyone at your wedding that it is not an open bar and they are charging nine bucks for a bottle of Heineken Light. Try to stay away from music that reminds everyone that corporate greed under the guise of inflation is robbing us all.

15. Save Ferris “Come On Eileen” (1997)

There are absolutely no rules against using a ska-ified cover for your first dance, though maybe there should be. However, everyone will be more confused that the main dish served was mozzarella sticks. One thing at a time.

14. NOFX “All Outta Angst” (1997)

Nowhere in the nuptial ceremony playlist should NOFX make an appearance. This is less of a concern about the ska factor and more about the Fat Mike element. Neither of these are warranted on a day like today.

13. Common Rider “Classics of Love” (1999)

Don’t be confused by the word “love” in the title. The upstroke guitar riff will negate any love the room is feeling. Sure, you’ll tell your cousins that it’s the singer of Operation Ivy, but that will only confuse everyone even further. Now is not the time to drop historical ska facts. Keep your mouth shut at your wedding.

12. Dance Hall Crashers “Go” (1995)

On the surface, there’s nothing inherently wrong with this song. It’s upbeat, catchy, and makes you feel like you are currently in a bouncy castle. However, it drives you to want to skank. The first dance should overwhelmingly be skank-less. At least, according to the normies.

11. The Suicide Machines “S.O.S.” (1996)

S.O.S. is a Morse code distress signal used to indicate that you are in deep shit when on the open waters. Luckily, your idiot families and friends won’t see this as a metaphor for your relationship because they’ll be too busy waiting for the song to be over so they can go home to sit on their couches. No one wants to be here.

10. Mad Caddies “No Hope” (1998)

Your first dance should inspire hope and kick off a lifetime of love and happiness for you and your spouse. However, judging by the title, this song is the opposite of that. They won’t see it coming. Hell, they didn’t even see the priest dressed up as a rude boy coming.

9. The Interrupters “She’s Kerosene” (2018)

Probably not the best idea to use a song that compares your new spouse to a combustible hydrocarbon liquid that’s mainly used for arson purposes. Though you could do worse, like one of those sappy songs everyone keeps saying you should’ve done instead.

8. Bomb the Music Industry! “I Don’t Love You Anymore” (2007)

For some reason, your families and friends are going to take this song title the wrong way. It’s more about the feel of the song, not the lyrical content. This one is going to go right over the heads of everyone. And let’s face it, this wedding needs to be catered to them.

7. Mephiskapheles “The Bumble Bee Tuna Song” (1994)

The only thing worse than a regular ska song as your first dance is one about canned fish that you can skank to. If you choose this one, your conjugal decision-making skills are beyond repair.

6. Jeff Rosenstock “SKrAm” (2021)

This is the third Jeff Rosenstock entry on this list. If you’ve learned anything from this article it’s that you shouldn’t allow Jeff 50 feet from your wedding. In fact, check his tour dates before setting a date for your wedding so they don’t accidentally coincide. You can never take too many precautionary measures.

5. Catbite “Not Ur Baby” (2021)

Your first dance is supposed to symbolically start your marriage off on the right foot. However, this song is clearly about two people breaking up. Read the room.

4. Skankin’ Pickle “Hate” (1994)

A marriage should be all about love. Hate should only be reserved for mortal enemies, like Hitler and the new upstairs neighbor you now have after moving in with your spouse who does that thing where they shift furniture around all night. Think before you skank.

3. Streetlight Manifesto “The Saddest Song” (2003)

A self-proclaimed sad track is the last thing you want for your first dance. For instance, just imagine playing Elliott Smith in this moment. Now imagine Elliott Smith with a horn section. Now imagine Elliott Smith with a horn section wearing matching checkered ties. Depressing.

2. Reel Big Fish “Hate You” (1995)

The lyrics “I hate you, fuck you, leave me alone” are just not going to come across the right way in front of your families. Hate has no place in love-based ceremonies. Let another couple have this one for their first dance.

1. The Specials “Little Bitch” (1979)

You try explaining to your family and friends that just because this song contains the b-word, it doesn’t mean there’s some hidden resentment about your brand new spouse. It’s just that the upstroke guitar is uplifting and that in theory should override any derision in this song. Non-ska people are always trying to find the hidden meanings in wedding songs that contain the word “bitch.”

Listen to the playlist:

Expecting Ska Parents Can Feel Baby Skanking

Posted on by Chris Bratton

MINNEAPOLIS — Local ska fan and mother-to-be Claudia Hudson recently visited her OBGYN to reveal she recently felt her baby skanking, confirmed sources who didn’t know whether to be happy or sad for her.

“After running a few errands, I came home, slipped off my checkered vans, and decided to take a rest on the couch. I put on my favorite Spotify playlist, ‘ska iz lyfe.’ I started to drift off to sleep and then it happened!” Hudson said as she motioned to her pregnant belly. “There was a rhythmic kick cadence that can only be achieved when a masterpiece like Mustard Plug’s ‘Mr. Smiley’ unlocks it in you. I knew then my baby was hunched over, fists tightly clenched, and kicking its tiny feet to the beats of the third wave. Listen, I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, I just want my baby to be healthy and listen to Reel Big Fish.”

Dr. Rachel Mercer remembered the day Hudson made an emergency visit to recount the believed skanking.

“I was due to perform a delivery in 20 minutes and Mrs. Hudson came in demanding that I play a Mephiskapheles burned CD. I explained to her that not only did I not have one but no one knows who the hell that even is,” said Dr. Mercer. “She then started to hum a song by the Hippos and pulled my hand to her stomach. It’s probably psychosomatic I told her, but then she asked me who ‘psychoSKAmatic’ was and if they would be playing the ska cruise this summer, and if it was ok to bring a newborn on a ska cruise!”

An expert on in utero behavior Tom Devine had some interesting insight into the situation.

“Absolutely, that baby was skanking. Prenatal exposure to hours of Op Ivy will always lead to this phenomenon,” said Devine. “A few months back I was dealing with a couple who at the time were going through a huge Mastodon kick. I mean listening to the album ‘Blood Mountain’ a few times a day. They thought they felt their baby kick. Wrong! Their child was headbanging to face-melting riffs and punishing drums. It was 1993 and the Macarena’ was taking the country by storm, I believe you know where I am going with this.”

At press time, Rose gave birth to a baby boy and was pleased that he came out with a tiny checkerboard birthmark on his right arm.

Fuck Yeah! Substitute Teacher Used To Be in The Mighty Mighty Bosstones

Posted on by Yancy Lee Crawford

INDIANAPOLIS – Clearlake Elementary students were treated to a day of wholesome fun and learning when Sebastian Miller, former horn player for The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, subbed in a third-grade classroom.

“When I left the Bosstones to start a family, I had to find another job where entertaining weird kids that are stone cold sober was useful. My first thought was joining the Chuck E. Cheese band, but substitute teaching just felt right,” Mr. Miller explained while placing tiny plastic kazoos in every student’s cubby. “Plus, kids love putting on costumes and dancing to nonsense songs, and that was, like, our whole thing. Looking back, being in The Mighty Mighty Bosstones was amazing on-the-job-training training for substitute teaching. There’s almost no difference between ska fans and elementary school students.”

Students spoke highly of Mr. Miller’s ability to make learning fun despite being the only teacher in the building wearing a three piece suit and porkpie hat.

“Most substitute teachers smell like my grandma’s bathroom, but when Mr. Miller taught us the history of ska instead of phonics, I knew class was gonna be effin’ awesome,” local third grader Ruby Crosby shouted while dancing on her desk. “I know using respectful language is the Husky way, but Mr. Miller called me a ‘rascal king’ and said his first rule is to always have fun. Today I learned cussin’ feels pretty dang fun. I also learned Mr. Miller’s band is older than YouTube. He looks really good for such an old person.”

Clearlake Elementary band teacher Jackie Willard praised Mr. Miller’s ability to produce measurable scene advancements in such little time.

“Instead of taking students to performing arts classes with other teachers, Mr. Miller played a variety of horns and taught the kids how to skank,” Mrs. Willard beamed while pulling a small group of students to reteach them how to take the bass for a walk. “But then I realized his lessons are a cross-curricular blend of PE, history, antiracism, and music. I’ve been saying for years that ska should not be taught in isolation. Maybe the rest of the staff will work harder to create the fourth wave after seeing Mr. Miller’s example. The least they can do is wear a wallet chain and care about the fundamentals of skanking.”

At press time, Mr. Miller was unavailable for further comment because he was busy teaching students how to chug Mountain Dew and burp the alphabet backward.

Man Who Likes Everything But Rap and Country Admits He Forgot About Ska

Posted on by Audrey Vieira

NEW YORK — Self-described music enthusiast Robbie Rivera is in critical condition after realizing his previous statements about enjoying everything but rap and country failed to account for ska, sources report.

“Just because I like everything but rap and country doesn’t mean I’ve heard and loved everything else out there,” Rivera said while Googling ska for the first time. “I tell people that because I’m an open-minded guy who likes Taylor Swift and whatever heavy acts are on shirts in the Target men’s section, but nothing too controversial for my mom or too safe for my dad. Everything else is fair game, even the last few Weezer albums. But ska? I thought that was something my buddy made up to mess with me like Norwegian black metal. Guess I have to look that up now, too.”

Ska enthusiast Ian Lambert, who informed Rivera about the genre’s existence earlier today, condemned his ignorance of the influential subgenre.

“When you say you like everything but rap and country, I’m gonna assume ska falls under the everything part and offer you my extra Less Than Jake ticket,” Lambert said between bites of mozzarella sticks. “Now I’m not sure I even want to bring him along. By leaving ska off his list of exceptions, he’s basically pretended to enjoy it for years. He’s the ultimate poser. I should have known something was up when I brought up We Are The Union and he started going on about labor rights. What’s next, he tells me he hasn’t heard enough rap or country to write off two entire genres?”

Music critic Cameron Vaughn observed Rivera’s case as just one of many instances of someone claiming to be a fan of everything failing to account for ska.

“This is exactly why those claiming to like everything but rap and country cannot be trusted,” Vaughn said. “That statement implicitly endorses countless terrible subgenres while overlooking genuinely great rap and country songs like Megan Thee Stallion’s entire catalog and all those ballads about women killing their cheating husbands. But forgetting about ska is unforgivable. Not every ska artist is a great performer, but every great performer was once a ska artist. Just look up Oscar Isaac’s old bands, for Christ’s sake.”

At press time, Rivera confirmed he indeed liked ska after having the time of his life at a Mustard Plug show.

25 Worst Reel Big Fish Songs To Perform At Your Parole Hearing

Posted on by Corey Montgomery

Due to unfortunate circumstances that are allegedly not your fault at all, you’ve found yourself at yet another parole hearing. Previous instances haven’t gone that well for you, so you’re considering spicing things up with a little song and dance. One of your favorite bands is Reel Big Fish, and they are known for their pragmatic lyricism that promotes second chances and level-headed emotional responses to life’s stressors. You should be warned that not all of the band’s songs are appropriate for the occasion. Before you strap on your acoustic guitar and warm up your pipes, here are 25 songs from the third-wave legends that you should consider skipping. (Listen to the playlist while you read, click here)

25. “Good Thing”

It’s important to remember what this hearing is about. You’re trying to reenter society and prove yourself capable of doing so. Your 10 year sentence is the opposite of a ‘good thing’ and you probably don’t want to suggest that you don’t want it to end. This song will do exactly that.

24. “Big Star”

Your delusions of grandeur might be part of the reason you thought you could get away with your crimes. If you actually were a big star, you might not even have to go through with this formality, but you’re not and you do. Sorry to break it to you, your band’s opening slot for that Specials cover band 10 years ago isn’t going to get you out of this one or anything else.

23. “I Should Know By Now”

Stating that you should know means that you don’t know. This is a bad look considering the whole point of this hearing is to demonstrate that you know it’s bad to knock over a Sheetz in a drunken stupor. This song is the equivalent of the shrug emoji and will suggest to the board that you intend to backslide the minute you get out of here. Skip it.

22. “I Know You Too Well To Like You Anymore”

You’ve never met a single person at this hearing. Well, you know Jeff because he’s a lifer and this isn’t your first rodeo, but that’s it. Given your unfamiliarity with most of those in charge, you should avoid making grand statements such as the chorus of this song.

21. “Maximum Swearing – Live”

First off, this isn’t even a song and it’s weird that you’ve memorized Aaron and Scott’s childish stage banter. Secondly, this is neither the time or place for even a little swearing, let alone maximum swearing. Grow up.

20. “Another F.U. Song”

Ugh. We literally just went over this, but I guess we have to drive the point home for you. The people on this board are professionals and they are expecting a certain level of respect. You get what you give, and no one here will appreciate the suggestion of fucking themselves with a rusty poll. Maybe Jeff will because he’s kinda freaky, but even he knows not to bring it up at a time like this.

19. “Your Girlfriend Sucks”

The relationship statuses of the parole board members is neither here nor there. Even if it were appropriate to give them a heads up that their partners are awful, how would you even know? Skip this one. The board doesn’t even know about your previous issues with stalking, so don’t give them the bait to look into it.

18. “The Good Old Days”

It’s natural to be nostalgic for a youth gone past, but your old days were never good. It’s important to express hope for your future at this hearing. Saying you want to go back to the mid-nineties when you were arguably at your worst is bound to get your parole denied and your sentence lengthened.

17. “Rock n’ Roll Is Bitchin’”

Rock n’ Roll is pretty bitchin’. We’re not here to argue that fact. While you might think reminding the board of the great American tradition that is hard rock will score you some points, it’s not really the right tone to set. If Reel Big Fish had a song called ‘While I Was Rowdy In My Past, I Prefer to Listen to NPR Now,’ that might grease the wheels. Sadly, they don’t, so let’s just move on.

16. “Call You”

Considering two of your ex’s still have active restraining orders against you, it’s probably not a great idea to whip out a tune that suggests you can’t think of anything but calling them up. Playing this one is just going to make the board think you’re dead set on returning to your old problematic ways. Also, it’s over, man. Just move on. Valerie certainly has.

15. “My Imaginary Friend”

Mental stability is something your parole board will be looking into very carefully in your case. Therefore, it’s probably not a great idea to talk about a friend that is a figment of your imagination fucking you over at every turn. Have you ever considered that the real imaginary friend might be yourself? Sorry to blow your mind, we’re just trying to help.

14. “Live Your Dream”

The board’s dream is that you will reenter society as a changed and redeemed person. You should be grateful to even be here. Don’t blow it by suggesting that you don’t appreciate the opportunity. It’s a brat move, and not in the trendy way that makes you look cool.

13. “You Don’t Know”

While it may be true that the parole board doesn’t know quite what it’s like to be you, you absolutely DO need their opinion. Chances are you need it to be a good one too. You’ll have a better chance at getting this if you don’t tell them to fuck off and shove their heads back up their asses.

12. “Everyone Else Is An Asshole”

It’s a good thing to convince the board that you are accountable for your actions and have learned from your previous mistakes. The second you start this song up, it will be clear that you have done neither. It may be a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes you are in fact the asshole.

11. “Pissed Off”

While you may be feeling a flurry of emotions at this thing, it’s important to keep a calm demeanor. You won’t get far if you call the parole board cheaters, liars, thieves, and other colorful terms. These accusations are not only unfounded, but could apply to yourself. If you’re not careful, some people in the room will see your rendition of this one as an inward projection. Not in a good way, mind you.

10. “Everything Is Cool”

Anger management has always been difficult for you. You’ve made great strides at correcting this, and you might want to give the board a musical interpretation of your journey. Considering the rapid mood shifts of this song, you should probably look elsewhere. Though likely to be moved by your performance, the board will still have problems with the lyrics and doubt your progress. Skip it.

9. “Valerie”

It’s never a good idea to publically air a grudge in a highly dramatic fashion. It’s an even worse idea to do so in front of people who are tasked with deciding your societal faith. Maybe stray away from a song with lyrics that blame your ex by name for all of your woes.

8. “Your Guts (I Hate ‘Em)”

Even if you hate every member of the parole board with a passion, you must do your best to keep this to yourself. Jeff will be so hurt by this song he’ll end the hearing prematurely, leaving you to a life behind bars. And Jeff’s like, a really nice guy. Why would you want to do that to him?

7. “Everybody’s Drunk”

One of the reasons you’re in this predicament is the fact that your last house party somehow managed to cause millions of dollars in property damage to your surrounding neighbors. Everyone loves a good time, but you might not want to seem like you’re bragging about all of those broken windows and totaled cars.

6. “The Bad Guy”

The board is looking for signs that you’ve renounced your past ways and have cultivated a more wholesome personality. They’re also probably looking for remorse. Unless you plan on changing the lyrics in a Weird Al meets sincere type of parody version, you should probably avoid singing things like ‘I’m the bad guy’ and ‘I’m not sorry I let you down.’

5. “Say Ten”

The closing lines of this track are as follows: ‘I’d eat people if it was legal.’ While you might think acknowledging that cannibalism is illegal will get you a pass on this one, the board will probably be concerned you brought it up at all.

4. “Drunk Again”

You managed to keep your toilet wine hustle a secret up until this point. Quite frankly, the board already had their suspicions given your red teeth and your intermittent blindness. The last thing you need right now is an admission of intoxication. Try not to poke the bear here by playing this one.

3. “Drinkin’”

While we’re on the subject, part of your proposed parole agreement is that you will stay at least 100 yards away from any liquor stores or bars. Therefore, we don’t recommend loudly proclaiming your plan to break that provision as soon as your feet touch the outside. The world isn’t letting you down, you are.

2. “Beer”

During your last bender, you passed out on the floor of a TJ Maxx. If we remember correctly, that certainly didn’t stop anyone from bothering you. Best not to conjure up this image or threaten to do it again at this hearing. This is more about demonstrating growth.

1. “Skatanic”

Absolutely not. You might be feeling the need to express your desire to be liked, or even loved, by the parole board. Perhaps you want to show them how passionate you are about proving yourself worthy. These can both be good things, but you might not want to suggest that you’ll stalk them until they do. You certainly don’t want to say things like ‘I’m gonna make you love me no matter what you say’. You’re already in enough hot water, don’t be a terrifying creep on top of it.

Listen to the playlist:

Right Wing Ska Band Flying “Thin Checkered Line” Flag

Posted on by Matt Husser

AMARILLO, Texas — Right wing ska band ‘The Outska Josey Wales’ announced their new political message at a recent show after unveiling a ‘thin checkered line’ flag, enthused sources confirmed.

“Every time we grab our horns and take that stage we’re laying our lives on the line to protect law-abiding rude boys from total anarchy punk, and that’s what the ‘thin checkered line’ flag represents,” said Outska Josey Wales frontman Clint Walsh, adjusting his Punisher logo fedora. “The woke mob might keep trying to cancel us by not coming to any of our shows, but our upbeat brand of right-wing ska is waking up the true patriots one honk at a time. And if you don’t like it, we’ll put a checkered van up your ass, courtesy of the U.S. of A.”

Local punk Tom Pearson was familiar with the ska band after performing at the same gigs in the past, but had noticed that the band had recently become more outwardly conservative.

“I don’t know what happened, I used to see them at shows and they seemed like pretty normal dudes—well, normal for a ska band—but in the last few years they took this hard right turn. Now they keep ranting about how reggae is too woke, and try to start ‘Skall Lives Matter’ chants with the crowd,” said Pearson. “It’s kinda hard to take their message seriously when they give this big speech and then the trombonist starts dancing during their song ‘The Skank Replacement Theory’.”

Harvey Gleason, head of the Brass Militia record label, explained that the band was part of a new patriotic ska wave sweeping the nation.

“We’re assembling an army of proud Skamerican patriots to take back this nation from the criminals and the immigrants, and we have bands like Streetlight Manifest Destiny and Toot Nukem that are ready to answer the call,” said Gleason, posting his musical manifesto to X (formerly Twitter). “The sheeple can keep putting their heads in the sand, but our right-wing populist ska wave can’t be denied any longer—once Trump is back in the White House, our Brass Militia will Make America Skank Again.”

The Outska Josey Wales later announced they would be expanding their merch line with yellow ‘Don’t Skank On Me’ flags.