DENVER — Family court officials today ordered office worker Tynan Howard to surrender his beautiful house, large automobile, and other symbols of capitalist banality to…
Football season is drawing to an end, and millions of Americans are gathering around the tube to catch the big game. Fuckin’ sellouts. The NFL…
BEIJING — Chinese punks were astonished today after their government officially repealed the long-standing policy of penalizing citizens who play in more than one band,…
SALIDA, Colo. — Grassroots activist organization Punks for Sustainable Merch announced yesterday the opening of a nature refuge to prevent the extinction of medium-sized band…
DENVER — Local high schooler Jake Fritzler astounded his teachers today by scoring 1050 on the SAT despite entering nothing but the sequence “ACAB” on…
DENVER — Local man Joseph Adams stands accused today of making jokes about his friend Aaron Ianni much too soon after the latter’s untimely death,…
Winter has come, the bells have tolled, and now our watch has ended. Game of Thrones, the fantasy juggernaut that launched HBO into the streaming…
I get it. You see the corpse paint, the inverted crosses, the sheep’s heads skewered on mic stands, and you think, “Wow, this is one…
DENVER — Local harsh noise artist Jeremy Phillips halted progress on his upcoming EP today when he couldn’t determine which of his songs were finished,…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — A new study suggests that the average punk unknowingly has sex with five people who go by the name “Spider” over…
DENVER — Denver hardcore band Sheeptheif caused a massive delay ahead of their performance today at the Summit Music Hall after the band’s lawyer advised…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Korn vocalist Jonathan Davis distressed audiences last night by extending the famous vocal solo of the song “Freak on a Leash” well…
MENLO PARK, Calif. — The latest update to Facebook’s algorithm will reorganize users’ news feeds to show more posts from the advertisers nearest to their…
WILLIAMSBURG, Va. — New historical evidence suggests that former President Thomas Jefferson acquired a substantial amount of his wealth by cultivating and excessively endorsing CBD…
DENVER — Local mother Amanda Howard suspects that her daughter Heather is experimenting with the drug CBD, citing the teen’s suspicious increase in productivity, energy,…