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Will I Understand Mom’s New Lame-ass Boyfriend if I’ve Never Seen Caddyshack 1 or 2?

Will I Understand Mom’s New Lame-ass Boyfriend if I’ve Never Seen Caddyshack 1 or 2?

By Dan Rice

So I’ve been seeing and hearing a lot of buzz about the new loser my mom is banging and I totally want to check him…

Sad: This EDM Scenester Is in It for the Music

Sad: This EDM Scenester Is in It for the Music

By Dan Rice

For as long as there have been shows, there have been drugs at shows. There’s just one problem: Music is very hard. One day the…

Instagram Dog Saving Cutest Content for OnlyFans

Instagram Dog Saving Cutest Content for OnlyFans

By Dan Rice

NEW YORK — Popular internet dog Muppet announced early yesterday afternoon that his cutest content will be going behind a paywall via the website OnlyFans.com,…

Oh, You’re An R.E.M Fan? Name Three Over The Counter Supplements For Joint Pain

Oh, You’re An R.E.M Fan? Name Three Over The Counter Supplements For Joint Pain

By Dan Rice

Oh really you’re a “big fan” of R.E.M? Forgive me for seeming incredulous, but your poser ass doesn’t fit the bill. Maybe you caught a…

We’re Gonna Go Against The Grain And Say We Need A Disney Prince Whose Incredibly Hung, Like To The Point Where It’s A Problem For Him

We’re Gonna Go Against The Grain And Say We Need A Disney Prince Whose Incredibly Hung, Like To The Point Where It’s A Problem For Him

By Dan Rice

Okay hear us out. Lately there’s been a lot of hoopla over-representation in Disney films. People have finally figured out that the true path to…

5 Other Times Phil Collins Watched A Kid Drown

5 Other Times Phil Collins Watched A Kid Drown

By Dan Rice

Ever get the feeling that you’re stuck in the same cycle of events repeating themselves over and over again? We all feel that way from…

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Gave Me Unrealistic Expectation of How Good Pizza Would Make Me at Karate

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Gave Me Unrealistic Expectation of How Good Pizza Would Make Me at Karate

By Dan Rice

If you grew up in the early ‘90s, you grew up ingesting a lot of toxic media, and sure, we recognize a lot of that…

To Be Clear, My Wife And I Are Seeking An ACTUAL HORSE, With An ACTUAL MAGICAL HORN, For Sex

To Be Clear, My Wife And I Are Seeking An ACTUAL HORSE, With An ACTUAL MAGICAL HORN, For Sex

By Dan Rice

Okay, listen up you dirty piggies, because my wife and I are tired of all the messages we’ve been getting from all of you DUDES.…

Feeling Too Burnt Out To Write Songs? Here’s The Same 5 Generic Tips From Every Self Help Article Repackaged Again

Feeling Too Burnt Out To Write Songs? Here’s The Same 5 Generic Tips From Every Self Help Article Repackaged Again

By Dan Rice

Are you struggling to come up with lyrics and melodies? Does a sense of dread fill your mind as you stare at the empty page?…

Opinion: “Everything Everywhere All At Once” Is Just Part Of The Liberal Agenda To Make Us Ask Ourselves The Big Questions, Feel Things We Haven’t Felt In Years, And Cry In Public

Opinion: “Everything Everywhere All At Once” Is Just Part Of The Liberal Agenda To Make Us Ask Ourselves The Big Questions, Feel Things We Haven’t Felt In Years, And Cry In Public

By Dan Rice

Well, the Hollywood liberal propaganda machine is back folks, and in full force, this time in the guise of a sci-fi flick called “Everything Everywhere…

We Hear You: After A Decades Long Tirade Of Complaints About Our Dehumanizing Corporate Culture, We’re Raising Our Starting Wage By 48 Cents Per Hour

We Hear You: After A Decades Long Tirade Of Complaints About Our Dehumanizing Corporate Culture, We’re Raising Our Starting Wage By 48 Cents Per Hour

By Dan Rice

We’ve heard your phone calls, read your emails, and crossed your picket lines. We’ve attended all of the meetings with all of your lawyers about…

We Rank The Top 5 Off Track Betting Venues By How Verbally Abusive Dad Would Get

We Rank The Top 5 Off Track Betting Venues By How Verbally Abusive Dad Would Get

By Dan Rice

We all love degenerate gambling, but if you grew up with a poppa who needed “a new pair of shoes” you grew up with a…

We Look Back On Apple’s Controversial Decision To Change Their Huge Throbbing Cock Emoji Into An Eggplant

We Look Back On Apple’s Controversial Decision To Change Their Huge Throbbing Cock Emoji Into An Eggplant

By Dan Rice

The ethics of censorship, accountability and corporate responsibility are evolving all the time. As private companies gain more and more influence over our day to…

We Sat Down With Jack White To Be Talked To About Blues Music Because We Died In An Act Of Sin And This Is What Hell Is Like

We Sat Down With Jack White To Be Talked To About Blues Music Because We Died In An Act Of Sin And This Is What Hell Is Like

By Dan Rice

Jean-Paul Sartre once wrote “Hell is other people.” Well, it turns out that “other person” is former White Stripes frontman Jack White specifically. We sat…

Inspiring: This 14 Year Old Bought A Pack Of Cigarettes By Believing In Himself

Inspiring: This 14 Year Old Bought A Pack Of Cigarettes By Believing In Himself

By Dan Rice

American educators obsess over keeping children on par with the rest of the world in science and math, but what good are those tools without…