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Kinda Spooky I Guess: The Band We Came To See at This Dive Bar Broke up 30 Years Ago This Very Night

Our tour van broke down in one of that small town full of secrets/Twin Peaksy type places. We had to wait till morning for our drummer’s rich dad to have it fixed (he’s a for-shit drummer but we keep him on for just such occasions)so we decided to make the most of it.

In the lobby of the Inn, which is like a motel but creepier and expensive, we saw a flier for a show at some dive bar in walking distance. The band was called Devilfuck, which sounded punk enough for rural Oregon to us, so we decided to check it out. In hindsight, the guy at the desk did sort of ominously cackle as we headed out, but we figured he was just weird.

We walk into this old divey bar, about two dozen patrons smattered throughout. Everyone seemed chummy with each other and paid us no mind until we asked the bouncer “What time does Devilfuck go on?” and everyone in the building just froze. They stared at us horrified, as if we were ghosts, for what felt like 5 straight minutes. Finally, this giant dude lurches forward, like he’s afraid to get too close, and in a quivering voice says “Devilfuck broke up at this bar… 30 years ago… this very night!”

We were like “Oh, okay…” and they just stared at us. Some of them were making circular gestures with their hands as if to say “Are you getting it? The spooky-spooky thing we’re telling you?” but like, we really didn’t.

We saw an old flier. So the fuck what? I really don’t get what these townsfolk are so freaked out over.

We felt too awkward to leave, and it turned out there was a band called Satansex playing anyway, so we hung around, but everyone kept ominously alluding to Devilfuck’s breakup at us. I ordered a Coors light and the barkeep was all “Oh… that’s the beer MIKE ordered that fateful night when he got on that there stage and said ‘This be our last show,’ hand to God!” Okay, great.

Two of the guys who were in Devilfuck were actually at the fucking bar, but they just acted as inexplicably spooked and dumbfounded as everyone else. They did confirm that all 4 members are alive and well and pretty much still friends and stuff, so no answers there.

Well, we’re pretty sick of this. People keep coming up to us and saying things like “They decided to focus on their families” but in a voice like they just said something super scary. Time to head home.

UPDATE: We made it back to the Inn, and it’s not there. Turns out it burned down 30 years ago, and that cackling Inn keeper was a ghost. Which IS scary, but like, lead with that next time townspeople!