Dan Rice, Author at HARDTIMES

Every Character From “Labyrinth” Ranked by Their Appearances in Our Bizarre, Confusing Sex Dreams

August 8, 2024

From early Greek mythology to the writing of Carl Jung, the Labyrinth has long been used as a metaphor for…

Officials Confirm Olympic Games “May Never Recover” From Rob Schneider Boycott

July 31, 2024

PARIS — International Olympics Committee spokesperson Mark Adams confirmed that the 3000-year-old world amateur sporting contest was “Unlikely to continue”…

Read More →

Opinion: That Guy Who Follows the Same Pornstars as Me on Instagram Is a Real Creep

July 29, 2024

I had an extremely toxic relationship with social media for years, but I’ve finally whittled it down to just one…

Read More →

Ranked: Every David Lynch Movie We Would Rather Live In Than Deal with This Election

July 23, 2024

Unless you’re a very particular type of person, the films of David Lynch are not what come to mind when…

Read More →

Wanna Feel Old: Gargoyles Came Out 30 Years Ago, and You’re a Loser

July 18, 2024

Are you ready to be devastated by the ravages of time? I mean just completely gutted, like looking at the…

Read More →

Democrats in Crisis After President Biden Uses Bathroom With Hot Mic and Confesses to Robert Durst Murders

July 12, 2024

WASHINGTON — Top Democratic decision-makers are reportedly doing damage control after President Biden confessed to multiple murders on a hot…

Read More →

Every Muppet Ranked by How Well They Could Replace Biden

July 2, 2024

Since the 1970s, Jim Henson’s Muppets have achieved the near impossible—consistently providing four-quadrant entertainment the whole family can truly enjoy.…

Read More →