Get ready for a truth bomb. I keep hearing about this new bullshit epidemic known as “male loneliness” and it makes me so mad, I…
SEATTLE — Microsoft officials revealed the global internet outage affecting airlines and critical infrastructure systems around the world was caused when the computer programs running…
My buddy Jeremy has been feeling pretty depressed lately and his birthday was coming up. So I decided to throw him a party and I…
Every time I tell my friends I love them, they don’t say it back. They just say, “Are you ok?” It’s sweet, but also a…
WASHINGTON — Former President Donald Trump threw a lifelike dummy of himself moments ago off a bridge onto sharp rocks below to seemingly avoid being…
SANTA CLARA, Calif. — An AI model trained to emulate the songwriting style of Elliott Smith intentionally exploded itself after it was fed the artist’s…
Ever since I discovered BDSM Tumblr as a youth, I have dreamt of dying at the hands of horned-up sadistic hellspawn. I dedicated my life…
WASHINGTON — The new national suicide hotline, 988, is facing harsh criticism after callers noticed the platform used songs from massively depressing singer/songwriter Elliott Smith…
WESTBURY, N.Y. — Multiple despondent mourners confirmed that local punk “Fast” Eddie Gwan recently saved thousands if not more in expensive preventative care by simply…
NEW YORK — Local depressive Naomi Roman was teetering on the brink of mental collapse Thursday morning until her suicidal thoughts were deterred after she…
SEATTLE — Method actor Chrstian Bale is preparing to star in a biopic based on famed Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain’s life by learning to sing…
For generations, scientists have attempted to assess the intelligence of chimpanzees. We have discovered they are able to use tools, communicate via sign language, and…
MUNCIE, Ind. — Sgt. William Porter, an active member of the Ku Klux Klan, was killed last night following a violent exchange with state police…
FAIRFAX, Va. — Known procrastinator Dave Lowary has started smoking cigarettes in an apparent attempt to end his life, concerned friends and relatives confirmed. “I’ve…
BISBEE, Ariz. — An “emergency” episode of the conspiracy theory-themed podcast Overacity Radio speculated about a direct correlation between the mysterious death of alleged pedophiliac…