OKLAHOMA CITY — Punk fan Tamara Washington recently saw a perfectly smokable cigarette butt on the ground from more than 33,000 feet in the air…
EUGENE, Ore. — Arthur “Sweaty” Grant, a punk physical education teacher at Churchill High School, expressed that incoming freshman student Jaime Peron has what it…
MENOMONEE FALLS, Wis. — Local youngster Phoebe Flax, age 9, is reportedly selling loose cigarettes alongside her delicious lemonade, according to teenagers enjoying the smooth,…
PASADENA, Calif. – Southern California native Zack Martin admitted his favorite summer activity is smoking cigarettes in his apartment with the AC absolutely blasting, sources…
NEW YORK — The annual “Punk Humanitarian of the Year” award was given to local drunk Rick Johnson who selflessly gave away over 35 loose…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Local crust punk Zachary Kaiser was seen asking patrons on the patio of Inkwell Cafe if they were planning on eating their…
LONG BEACH, Calif. — Local man Will Murphy was reportedly kicked out of Joyce Manor’s hometown show when he refused to smoke a cigarette with…
SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — Insufferable penny-pinching hipster Paul Sandor recently began the cost-cutting and dickhead-looking practice of rolling his own cigarettes, annoyed friends report. “Not…
DURANGO, Colo. – Employees at a local insurance office were granted permission to arrive to work baked out of their goddamn gourds and reeking of…
PROVIDENCE— 38-year-old punk Richard Locke is trying to improve his physical fitness by switching to a brand of cigarettes heavy enough to double as a…
FARGO, N.D. — Local punk Calvin “Patch” McCambell is receiving less than stellar reviews from his community regarding his self-proclaimed act of altruism of putting…
AUBURN HILLS, Mich. — Local doom metal outfit Everplug swore to a pact in which surviving members of the band will smoke marijuana from the…
MANDAN, N.D. — A new queer punk advent calendar became immensely popular when it advertised the fact each door contains a partially smoked cigarette, customers…
PHILADELPHIA — Researchers at Johns Hopkins University confirmed the average American punk consumes a half-dozen cigarettes in their sleep throughout the year, according to a…
PHOENIX — Local punk Frankie “Bullet” Higgins is quietly and privately working through the trauma of leaving his Yellow American Spirits sitting in the scorching…