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Man Rolls Own Cigarettes In Order to Save Money and Look Like Complete Asshole

SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — Insufferable penny-pinching hipster Paul Sandor recently began the  cost-cutting and dickhead-looking practice of rolling his own cigarettes, annoyed friends report.

“Not only is rolling your own so much cheaper, but it’s actually way healthier than commercially produced cigarettes. I honestly think you could give these fuckers to kids,” said Sandor, whose 2-week tenure as the primary mod on the r/RYO subreddit was marked with strife and dissension. “I just get a real rush from rolling my own smokes. I do it everywhere from dentist waiting rooms to tables at restaurants or funerals. And just this week, I perfected maintaining eye contact with someone while licking the paper during a backroll. It puts out a very fertile vibe.”

Friends of Sandor have expressed the desire to distance themselves from him until this fad passes.

“He always had some shitty DIY project going, but those failed hobbies didn’t leave him looking quite as much like a fuckwad as rolling his own does,” observed longtime friend Emily Yari, who saved even more money by quitting smoking entirely. “First, it was homemade limoncello which was gross and gave me an ulcer. Then he was building guitar distortion pedals, which barely worked. But those were much less embarrassing than having his tongue out licking paper or haphazardly pouring loose-leaf tobacco everywhere. Why am I friends with him, or anyone for that matter? Hell is other people, indeed.”

The Truth Campaign, a non-profit organization dedicated to spreading awareness of the harm of tobacco usage, cautions smokers against the idea that hand-rolled cigarettes are healthier.

“I don’t know how much more gore and horrors you little shits need to see to stop smoking,” gasped an exhausted Rick Cartwright, longtime head of creative for Truth. “We basically ran ‘Faces of Death’ skits in commercial form for years, yet I still see people lighting up. Do you need to see another person exhaling smoke from their throat stomas to stop? No? Then what? Someone please fucking tell me. I have no friends, family, or hobbies other than this quest.”

Sources close to Sandor announced plans to cut off all contact entirely upon rumors that he was recently seen Googling “tobacco plant seeds.”