Another year, another plan to disappear completely and never be found. It’s not an instinct universally shared, but how else are you going to cash…
AUSTIN, Texas — Aging punk Sean Dennings shocked the local community when he swapped a New Year’s Eve rager for a quiet night at home,…
PHILADELPHIA — Local Punk, Sid Stott, announced his plans to improve his health and well-being by smoking healthier cigarettes in the New Yea, skeptical sources…
It’s about to be a new year, and that means it’s time for a new you! Unfortunately, the new you is remarkably similar to the…
Well it looks like time is back on it’s bullshit, and it’s going full beastmode on my ass! Here we all are, just minding our…
We all know life is full of little annoyances that only exist to make things a little more difficult. Not that it matters anyway –…
EARTH — Punks around the globe who are unsatisfied with oppressive global systems designed to benefit a few powerful individuals at the expense of everyone…
I’m hardly alone in saying that 2020 was a less-than-stellar year. Instead of letting disappointment get the better of me, I’m more motivated than ever…
LOS ANGELES — Local fuckup Jerry Millwater’s 2021 New Year’s resolution of “practice more self-care” is concerned about its upcoming fight with the overwhelming force…
No one is crushing it in quarantine. Well, except ultra-rich people who are positioned perfectly for thriving in this environment. Does that sound like you?…
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Local crust punk Skye Mathtison is leaning hard into self-help culture for 2024, pinning pictures of his deepest desires of the dirtiest…
BOSTON — Local straight edge couple Alana Enders and Chris Lewis responsibly celebrated New Year’s Eve alone at home for the eighth consecutive year, sources…
GENEVA, Ill. — Local man and self-described electronic leash cutter Lucas Roberts is now on a door-to-door journey to tell every American that he quit…
MILWAUKEE — 32-year-old punk Omar Neihoff made a New Year’s resolution last night to attend at least one show before the end of this calendar…
EL PASO, Texas — Baby New Year, the mythical personification of hope and change, was detained at the Mexican/American border by ICE agents late last…