BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Experts warned today that listening to the hit Mountain Goats song “This Year” is no longer enough to motivate Americans to get…
ORLANDO — Local GG Allin impersonator Darius Boone was arrested last week on a slew of charges directly related to his tribute to his musical…
CLEVELAND — Recently formed metal band Blood & Soil has forgone music as its first public release, instead issuing formal remarks apologizing for every band…
COALVILLE, U.K. — Donkey Kong Country’s recent addition to the Nintendo Switch Online SNES collection has fans and audiophiles alike appreciating ‘Aquatic Ambience,’ the absolutely…
LOS ANGELES — Local anime fan Jason Dominguez listened to nearly half an hour of a jazz album last Friday at a record store before…
SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — Laid-off sound engineer Logan Green is constantly adjusting the volume levels of his television in order to keep busy while waiting…
SYDNEY — A group of casual Mario fans annoyed fellow concertgoers at an orchestral show celebrating the franchise’s history, as the rowdy group reportedly talked…
PLAINVIEW, N.Y. — 16-year-old Misty Lebowitz carelessly endangered her much, much older and immunocompromised pop-punk singer boyfriend Scotty McDickers yesterday when she defied New York’s…
Thousands of gamers across the world are providing testimonials accusing Sonic The Hedgehog water levels of giving them lifelong anxiety in a landmark civil suit…
CARSON, Calif. — Tampa Bay Vipers stand-out kicker Andrew Franks outraged fans and pundits last week after refusing to stand for Stone Cold Steve Austin’s…
BEL AIR, Md. — A Tinder date between “Bloody” Mary Wolski and certifiable poser Jared VanAuden ended abruptly moments ago thanks to VanAuden’s errant claim…
ATLANTA — Emergency Medical Technician Avery Jamison searched through his Spotify playlist for several minutes yesterday before administering chest compressions to a civilian going through…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local rapist Kent Mehring once again avoided any consequences for his repeated sexual assaults last week, despite his total lack of musical…
CHICAGO — 28-year-old aging punk Johnny “Ratfuck” Pitzki has entered the “I don’t even really listen to punk anymore” phase of his life, complete with…
SAN DIEGO — Members of chillwave band Hookah Sesh are engaged in a heated internal struggle to establish the beta of the group, according to…