CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — A new study by Harvard University confirmed the best way to secure work is to remind the person interviewing you that your…
ASHEVILLE, S.C. — A frontline food service worker was stripped of her hero and esteemed “essential” status after forgetting to bring a side of mayonnaise…
Hey, pothead! That’s right you lazy stoner. So you failed to launch? Big fucking deal. You’re back with your folks and spending all your time…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Local house sitter and frequent self gratifier David Baker is currently debating how long into his job he is expected to go…
HOBOKEN, N.J. — Local nonbeliever and Bon Jovi fan Tami Clarkson has been mentally cruising through unemployment solely by the quotes and wisdom of atheist…
CHICAGO — Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan made some coffee before launching into yet another day of writing 5-star reviews of his own works on…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Local musician Wes Feltus is allegedly receiving ill-placed sympathy from friends who assume his income came from playing music until the COVID-19…
BROOKLYN — Local stoner metalhead Graham Wyatt overslept this morning after a night of drinking and weed smoking, which caused him to run a “‘Dopesmoker’…
KANSAS CITY, Mo. — Smith & Smith Real Estate property photographer Joshua Abernathy regularly receives workplace criticism for his unhelpful photos of rental units, but…
LAKE FOREST, Ill. — Prospective game writer Evan Richards quit halfway through a job application to an independent game studio this morning, complaining it had…
OMAHA, Neb. — Local job seeker Brenna Reed updated her resume to include “proficient at Photoshop” roughly two minutes into a 5-hour tutorial on the…
ATLANTA — Quasi-political punk Aaron Scovell convinced himself yesterday that, if he had a job and was registered, his theoretical “douchenozzle boss” wouldn’t let him…
IRVINE, Calif. — Fastidious and strict Irvine Public High School Principal Gene Jensen was assaulted at work yesterday by the hair metal band Goldenrod while…
AUGUSTA, Ga. — Local band Wall Socket officially announced their breakup today, moving into the next phase of their careers as full-time staff at The…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local cop and racist bully Dennis Peters, who once brought a gun to Roosevelt High School in 10th grade, is now employed…