Everyone knows the hardest part of starting a new job is passing the pre-hire drug test. It’s one thing if you have sober friends you can borrow piss from, but who has those these days?! Since you still listen to Sublime, I’m guessing not you.
Still, even if you do partake in some illicit partying like Bradley Nowell did (RIP), you gotta at least give the test a shot. A new job is a huge opportunity! And who knows, maybe the machine will malfunction, or the lab tech will feel so bad after seeing your horrifying drug panel results that they’ll fudge the report. Sure it’s unlikely, but hey, you ain’t got no crystal ball!
Here are the best Sublime songs to amp you up as you sit in the waiting room preparing to blow your drug test:
What I Got
No Sublime sesh is complete without this timeless hit on the playlist! Lovin’ is what you got and you can still get high dammit! Who gives a fuck if you get passed on a job that could literally change everything for you? If they need you to go a full two weeks without toking that sweet mother-herb, then it’s not a good fit anyway! They don’t appreciate your process, so fuck ’em.
Garden Grove
If you’ve recently spent any time sticking needles in your arm, living in a tweaker pad, or even getting yelled at by your dad, this mellow jam is a must listen. But be warned: you may nod off in your chair if you get too comfortable while listening to it. That would be embarrassing, and probably get you DQ’ed before you even start peeing in the cup!
What’s their fucking problem anyway? It’s just weed! Well, weed and a little coke, and some molly and tons of pills, but they’re checking for weed? Bogus.
Doin’ Time
Summertiiiiiime and the living’s easy.
Or at least it was easy, before you had to take a bullshit drug test! This funky and fun ballad is quintessential Sublime—the kind of song you can listen to as you roll a fat blunt in the driver’s seat of your rusty 1998 Toyota Camry in the Quest Diagnostics parking lot.
Wrong Way
So you’re not getting this gig, big deal. You know who has REAL problems? Annie, the girl Bradley Nowell made up for this song. Really puts it all in perspective, doesn’t it?
Smoke Two Joints
This one is pretty self explanatory. If you smoke two joints in the morning, smoke two joints at night, AND smoke two joints in the afternoon so you’ll feel alright, there is no shot in hell you are passing this drug test. Just sit back, enjoy the song, and maybe start searching Craigslist for jobs that won’t care if you’re high all the time.