No trip to Whole Foods is complete without a playlist filled with R.E.M. songs. Georgia’s jangle-pop troubadours have entertained the high-end grocer’s customer base of…
You can call Jeff Bezos many things; Bald Hitler, Slave driver, fragile ego poster boy, etc. But one thing you can’t call Jeff “The human…
SEATTLE — Amazon Prime Air UAV Drone #434001 was written up by its supervisor for taking a three minute refueling break during hours that it…
NEW YORK — Local Amazon employee Jeff Baxter developed a plan to finally use the bathroom at work after reading Jeff Bezos will soon be…
HOUSTON — Scientists at NASA monitoring the Perseverance Rover made a startling discovery today when it sent back photos of GWAR rehearsing on Mars, multiple…
NICASIO, Calif. — Longtime Star Wars fan Jon Eaton was charged with trespassing on Skywalker Ranch, allegedly hoping to ask George Lucas if the seven-and-a-half-foot-tall…
DUCKBURG, Calisota — Multi-billionaire businessfowl Scrooge McDuck is questioning his decision to convert his wealth to cryptocurrency after realizing he would not be able to…
HOLLYWOOD — Shortly after its acquisition by Amazon, MGM and Eon Productions announced this morning that the next James Bond film will follow the titular…
Hello gamers! By now you’ve probably read from a dozen different outlets that I have decided to step down as CEO of Amazon. All of…
I went to Amazon HQ and was shown into Jeff Bezos’ office, under the guise of interviewing him about becoming the world’s first trillionaire. He…
Between their labor abuses, monopolistic actions, and abysmal pandemic response, I would boycott Amazon. I really would. Unfortunately, the grim reality is Amazon has my…
STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — Recently deceased Amazon warehouse worker Freddie Romero was named “Employee of the Month” yesterday for his tireless work ethic and refusing…
SEATTLE — Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos announced today he is committing $10 billion of his vast personal fortune to completely eradicate the threat of coronavirus…
I am not the enemy. I think the system fucking stinks! Yeah, I said it. On Twitter AND Instagram. You should see how many rose…
SEATTLE — Billionaire Jeff Bezos reportedly came face to face with a time-travelling Jeff Bezos from a dystopian future this morning at Amazon headquarters, who…