Shane Pauker
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April 25, 2026
SEATTLE — The World Health Organization formally recommended people only consume a disappointingly low number of beers at lunch, citing…
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Charles Bill
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April 25, 2026
STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Leading musical anthropologists announced that they have discovered a previously uncontacted metal genre, confirmed sources. “I was…
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Kevin Coutu
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April 24, 2026
NEW YORK — Local therapist Dr. Lauren Mitchell reassured her patient Monday that it is completely normal for a loser…
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Colleen Nerney
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April 24, 2026
SEATTLE — Local groupie Ellie Winterman made a significant quality-of-life change by deciding to sleep with metal band Former Oracles’…
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Tim Graham
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April 23, 2026
HANSON, Mass. — Local bigoted alcoholic Bud Cullen will likely live longer than many members of his family, according to…
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Ben Sobieck
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April 23, 2026
COLLEGEDALE, Tenn. — A local child developed a new kind of “little” diabetes after eating only Little Debbie snack cakes,…
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Kevin Coutu
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April 22, 2026
NEW YORK — NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell revealed that the organization is unveiling a new policy to address the domestic…
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Steve Packosky
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April 22, 2026
PROVO, Utah — Local man Adam Kerman was excited to learn that he’s basically the next Elvis Presley if you…
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Casey Smith
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April 21, 2026
WASHINGTON — Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announced that he has patented denim condoms, confirmed…
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Cam Berkowitz
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April 21, 2026
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — A new study from California State University, Bakersfield found that aggressively and methodically punching the air within…
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