Patrick Crooks
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CLEVELAND — Despite the benefits of accepting 20% off an online order, overwhelming majorities of Americans have decided that the…
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Patrick Crooks
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SEATTLE — Longtime resident of the self-styled “Vanguard of the Proletarian Bohemian Collective” Adam Stewart admitted that he was in…
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Doug Kolic
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KALAMAZOO, Mich. — Local 55-year-old nerd finally decided to heed the lame warnings of his beloved family and respected medical…
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Doug Kolic
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MENLO PARK, Calif. — Tech CEO Mark Zuckerberg is reportedly lingering around the Meta campus in the hopes someone will…
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Kevin Coutu
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BERKELEY, Calif. — Researchers at UC Berkeley announced they had built the first sex robot with the capacity to feel…
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Doug Kolic
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YUMA, Ariz. — Local dive bar The Rusty Splinter announced a new program to accept discarded bassists in a more…
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Skyler Hanrath
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HOUSTON — Local man Lou Marling assured himself that his years of failure could be played off as no more…
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Bobby Korec
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STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — Local video game protagonist Mega Man gained the ability to rap after defeating Wu-Tang Clan member…
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Steve Packosky
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LAFAYETTE, Ind. — Millennial Scott Eardner momentarily lost himself in his local Fresh Thyme and spent his entire life savings…
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Doug Kolic
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WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump warned Cuba that if they didn’t immediately capitulate to all his demands, he would destroy…
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