ATLANTA — Flock CEO Garrett Langley assured his employees that anyone who objects to constant surveillance by AI bots must be a domestic terrorist threat with something to hide because their company’s data is only shared with the FBI, DHS, NSA, DOJ, CIA and ‘80s rockers REO Speedwagon, according to sources.
“Truly patriotic investors understand our government, its corporate partners, and REO Speedwagon have a responsibility to monitor our citizens’ every move, if we are going to continue to live in a safe, free and arena rock-oriented society,” said Langley. “And all these complaints from busy-body hippies, radical femi-Nazis, and people who don’t like the song ‘Can’t Fight This Feeling’ about a few creeps at DHS leaking our company’s data to ICE agents or local cops so they can harass their ex-wives and girlfriends who dumped them need to remember that’s a small price to pay to preserve our company’s profits, our nation’s freedom, and chart-topping hits from the ‘80s.”
Former REO Speedwagon lead singer Kevin Cronin confirmed he’s been receiving loads of license plate data from Flock over the last few months.
“I have no idea why Flock is sharing this data with me, but it definitely raises red flags about who else can spy on our every move around town,” said Cronin. “If this kind of technology would’ve allowed me to trace my first wife’s whereabouts back when I suspected she was cheating on me, I doubt I’d have had the time or emotional wherewithal to craft ‘Keep On Loving You,’ and that became our band’s first song to top the Billboard charts. I’m not saying FBI agents should be writing power ballads, but I am saying they shouldn’t be illegally spying on the movements of US citizens!”
ACLU spokesperson Rita Harmsen noted that people across the country are revolting against Flock cameras being used in their communities.
“It’s been a disheartening couple of decades as we’ve watched most people willingly give all their personal information away to the social media companies and long forgotten bands who were popular 40 years ago,” Harmsen said. “So, it’s been refreshing to see Americans of all political stripes fight back against the notion that sacrificing privacy and civil liberties is necessary to ensure public safety. And while the ACLU prefers to fight against Flock through legal channels, a quick Google search can reveal some creative, mischievous and fun ways private citizens can join the fight by sabotaging Flock cameras and their local REO Speedwagon tribute band in their area!”
At press time, Flock also revealed that they were sharing data with REM, OMD, ELO and INXS.
