GLENDALE, Calif. — Self-professed 36-year-old “film connoisseur” Bobby Colina’s bad day was salvaged by an accidental Good Samaritan calling him a hipster, sources report. “To…
Call me old-fashioned, but I remember a time when being a gatekeeper meant something. Back in my day gatekeepers were the guards, the bouncers. As…
SALEM, Ore. — Local punk Trent Jackson planned to attend the state fair “ironically” this weekend, making it the seventh year in a row he’s…
SANTA CRUZ, Calif. — Insufferable penny-pinching hipster Paul Sandor recently began the cost-cutting and dickhead-looking practice of rolling his own cigarettes, annoyed friends report. “Not…
NEW BEDFORD, Mass. — Self-proclaimed “music connoisseur” Ryan Lester, known for his uncanny ability to discover cool bands before you do, is reportedly omitting key…
NEW YORK — Local barista and music know-it-all Nathaniel Pellson claimed he knew Canadian band Nickelback long before they weren’t cool, sources who didn’t quite…
If you were around in the mid-late 2000s, you probably knew at least one person who got a mustache tattoo on their finger. Usually, this…
BROOKLINE, Mass. — Local birdwatcher Gregory Luddy is reportedly so punk rock in her birding that the birds she’s into watching are ones you’ve probably…
For as long as there have been shows, there have been drugs at shows. There’s just one problem: Music is very hard. One day the…
Why the fuck are the bride and groom barefoot? What the hell is this supposed to be about? Some sort of rooted-in-nature thing? Like they’re…
Oh, hey there. This is a pretty cool party, right? I couldn’t help overhear a conversation you were having earlier when you said that you…
PURCHASE, N.Y. — Local woman Elle Rice winced this morning while waiting for her black coffee refill as the song “Fade Into You” by Mazzy…
Hey friend. I couldn’t help but notice that sweet, cherry red Fjällräven backpack you’re wearing. Nice to meet a fellow lover of the outdoors! I…
As a civil-minded person, I take a lot of pride in doing my part to keep people safe. When my coworkers started going to Killigan’s…
The early 2010s were a much simpler time. People didn’t eat and breathe divisive politics, guitars could be found in mainstream music, and “Jersey Shore”…