CLEVELAND — Local music store employee Sammy Howard takes every opportunity to inform customers that his band was “this fuckin’ close to making it huge,”…
CHICAGO — Singer/guitarist of political punk band Numb Chomsky and Global Political Systems Ph.D. candidate Miles “The Throat” Fitzsimmons realized during last night’s rehearsal that…
PHILADELPHIA — Local punk band Eleanor Rugby are now able to perform spin attacks and wear upgraded armor following a show in which they were…
NEW YORK — Local artist Jamie Leroy is “making waves” in Brooklyn’s tight knit art community with her original, lactose foam-on-coffee visuals adorning customer’s lattes,…
DUNWOODY, Ga. — Local goth Gordon Fletcher was reportedly unamused by a coworker’s recent observation that he looks like someone who would play in a…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Local stoner Justin Shaw was charged with theft yesterday after stealing a candy bar in a crime not motivated by race, or…
LOS ANGELES — Bartender Parker McClaine of the trendy Tales of the Garden cocktail lounge is blatantly and equally inattentive to customers of all races,…
NEW YORK — Longtime political activist Lorenzo Marquez attempted to kick off a new protest chant at a march last weekend, but struggled to find…
MILWAUKEE — Thomas Hannigan, a 22-year-old with a family history of addiction and psychological disorder, is acting like a “complete baby, chickenshit buzzkill, and probably…
BOSTON – The guy at the end of the bar wearing a gold necklace and brand-new, white Oakley sunglasses, who just ordered a third vodka-Monster,…
BOSTON — Local hardcore frontman Sturgill Hoffman gave multiple impassioned speeches about Syria during a show last night, with his convictions alternating strongly depending on…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Seminal one-man D-beat band Disguy is officially undergoing their first-ever lineup change, leaving the groundbreaking band without any original members, according to…
SAN FRANCISCO — Confused stoner Tyler Harrison participated in a sleep-study program believing the nocturnal testing session would actually be a thoughtful dissection of the doom-metal…
LOS ANGELES — Def Leppard drummer Rick Allen had his other arm surgically removed in an overtly cocky “act of defiance” that stunned the rock…
BOSTON — The Pints Of Blood fest announced a new set of guidelines for this year’s event, declaring age restrictions of “16 to enter, 45…