MESA, Ariz. — Local man Russell Garcia is worried his six-week-old relationship could “turn into something more serious that will take up precious time,” despite…
TACOMA, Wash. — Blue Note Records employees celebrated a major milestone this afternoon when the last remaining album from the long list of 2015 Record…
GREELEY, Colo. — Employees at the Needle Exchange record store dispatched a weird guy moments ago to stand uncomfortably close to you and flip through…
SANTA ROSA, Calif. — Prep cook and marijuana enthusiast Alan Fisher inadvertently used his nunchucks for their deeper, lifelong purpose when he traded the impractical…
ANSBACH, GERMANY — Indianapolis-born stoner Pvt. Jason Jordan is “lighting up a nice fatty” at 16:20 every day as he adjusts to his military service,…
BOISE, Idaho — The freshly cleaned bedroom of local woman Megan O’Leary is “anxiously excited” to meet O’Leary’s potential sexual partner later this evening, sources…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Mercury is finally out of the dickhead zone for you, so enjoy the reprieve. Use the time to subject everyone to…
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Rockville mayor “Rowdy” Randy Holmes was removed from his elected position this morning after being deemed unfit to lead in even the…
STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — Measureworks IT technician Jeff Simmins left dozens of bar patrons perplexed last night after singing “Svefn-g-englar” by Icelandic avant-rock band Sigur…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Local punk Tom Reynolds is still unsure which Green Day albums he’s allowed to enjoy publicly while still maintaining his “punk cred,”…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Members of the street team for City Councilwoman Lynn Fernandez stapled a flyer yesterday with the heading “Telephone Pole Wanted” to…
INDIO, Calif. — Coachella goer and indie rock fan Joseph Murs was disappointed to learn yesterday that Canadian musician Mac DeMarco was somehow not scheduled…
INDIO, Calif. –– Swarms of honeybees began their annual trek to the Coachella music festival early Friday morning to pollinate thousands of flower crowns worn…