CRANFORD, N.J. — Local actuary Ken Dorfinger showed amazing self-restraint by leaving a significantly large piece of chicken as the last bite of his meal,…
FAIRFAX, Va. — Local sad sack Mark Curtis unknowingly surpassed the world record for consuming the most French onion dip in a single sitting yesterday,…
NEW YORK — Legendary auteur director Phillip Schaeffer was reportedly trapped in his Criterion closet and forced to survive on nothing but his own films…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. – Blitz Greg Bop, a rescue dog belonging to local punk Jimmy McCallister, significantly upgraded his dietary lifestyle since running away from home…
BELLEVUE, Neb. — Local 12-year-old Jason Mancuso discovered that his best friend Ethan Schumacher and his entire family eat food “totally weird,” confirmed uncomfortable sources…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. – Local punk household, “The Underground Failroad,” is grieving for their microwave, which is considered “no longer functional” after the +30 button gave…
Thanksgiving is the best time of year for gathering friends and family and appreciating all the year has given you! And while we all know…
CHICAGO — Local diner Bill Frakes reportedly walked into a recently reopened Golden Corral restaurant and whispered “beast mode” while staring at the rows of…
BOSTON — Local man, and person with little to no concern for his physical well-being, Travis Ligresti was spotted eating his fifth fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt cup…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Following years of research and development, the average vegan ass is approaching a similar taste and texture to that of carnivores’ due…
DREAM LAND — After coming in first place in an unprecedented 4,352nd eating contest in a row, the hero of Dream Land, Kirby, took the…
LOS ANGELES — Filming of reality game show “Fear Factor” came to a halt yesterday afternoon when self-proclaimed “punk as fuck” contestant Charles Edgarton would…
SALT LAKE CITY — Local anarchist Vance Rover, known for carrying a sign reading “Eat The Rich” at every protest in the greater Salt Lake…
FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. — An alluring, mysterious punk puzzled patrons of DIY venue The Back Room last Friday by leaning against a wall and casually…
TAMPA, Fla. — Death-metal band Cannibal Corpse and pop singer Nicki Minaj are working on a surprising collaboration birthed from a mutual appreciation of “ass…