Our other straight edge buddies would give us so much shit if they knew we were doing this, but times are tough, so when our…
OKLAHOMA CITY — Employees at a local accounting firm are reportedly confounded by a recent hire who is simultaneously the worst co-worker they’ve ever had…
PHOENIX — 35-year-old Cassie Lozano is in critical condition after she foolishly came to the conclusion she needed to limit her caffeine intake and decided…
HILLSBOROUGH, N.J. — Local party-goer and person seemingly in need of some “quiet time,” Katherine Gallagher, is being asked by those around her to “take…
Any true connoisseur of cannabis knows that it’s all about the right pairing. Just as you need the right wine for the right meal, different…
So, it’s all come down to this. Right at the peak of your trip, and just on the cusp of figuring out the secret of…
BURBANK, Calif. — Hollywood is abuzz amidst reports that one of its most fabled power couples, acclaimed director Martin Scorsese and his ‘70s muse, a…
NEW YORK — Local depressive Naomi Roman was teetering on the brink of mental collapse Thursday morning until her suicidal thoughts were deterred after she…
ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced earlier this week that fully vaccinated people may safely end the lame-ass relationships they were…
CHICAGO — Local stoner Lukas James accidentally tasted his first apple in over ten years last week after using it to construct a homemade smoking…
For better or worse, the origins of punk rock will forever be intrinsically tied to the practice of huffing glue. For some in our subculture…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — 41-year-old punk Kaira Rojas is concerned her new drug dealer is ripping her off, paying increasingly high prices for medication she needs…
AMERICA — Parents nationwide went into a frenzy yesterday when a dangerous new party drug swept across their Facebook pages, multiple panicked sources confirmed. The…