Have you ever wanted to drink licorice-flavored varnish? Or perhaps floor cleaner garnished with dirt and earthworms? If so, you’re in luck, you little weirdo,…
SCHAUMBURG, Ill. — Self-proclaimed author of the next great American novel Frank Trotsky recently came to the terrible realization that his “rock bottom” was going…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Punk legend and resurrected Brood X cicada Titus Umbilicus emerged from the earth this week extremely late and hungover despite the fact…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Local man Trevor Good blamed his morning coffee habit for the constant nervous chatter in his head and anxious feeling in…
NEW HOPE, Pa. — Local straight man Scott Stevenson was spotted acting weirdly jealous around lesbian woman and acquaintance at best, Samantha Rux, at a…
FREDERICK, Md. — Amateur skateboarder and recovering alcoholic Jude Gannon achieved a longstanding career goal of acquiring a sponsor in the form of an Alcoholics…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Daniel Powers is searching for an acceptable way to find out if his niece’s upcoming birthday party will be BYOB or…
For many of us the past year has been the hardest in living memory, and in times of turmoil it’s all the more easy to…
PHILADELPHIA – Local friend and owner of a comfortable and reliable five-seat sedan, Victor Schnellenberger, is planning to quit drinking alcohol and begin a long…
No, I’m not in the middle of another relapse. I’ve simply sat down with my demons and renegotiated some terms. Upon revisiting the terms of…
When I say “cultural celebration,” what’s the first thing that comes to mind? Thanks to the long-term effects of thoughtful, nuanced celebrations like Cinco de…
BOSTON — An allegedly cash-poor Dropkick Murphys irked fans by announcing that Arbor Day has always been one of “their things” in what was “definitely…
DOVER, Del. — A local townie and currently wasted-off-his-ass scallop is rambling on about the time his rubbery body was hurled across the room by…
My son’s hazing death was tragic and terrifying. No parent should ever have to bury their child. But was it surprising? Not at all. Let’s…
Okay so this is all still a bit strange, and frankly we’re still very hungover, but let us give you a little bit of background…