Dan Kozuh
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January 8, 2021
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local Guitar Center manager Marcella Doyle was taken aback earlier this week when alternative rock band Everclear…
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Shea Strauss
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December 19, 2020
WILMINGTON, N.C. — Hallmark Channel’s signature Christmas-themed romance movies reportedly promote an unhealthy expectation of any kind of human interaction,…
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Bobby Korec
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November 30, 2020
LOS ANGELES — Drum Chum, the “world’s most lifelike” drum machine, can fully simulate the experience of a real drummer…
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John Danek
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November 28, 2020
BALTIMORE — Influential powerviolence band ElevenTimesElevenCrimes announced today that expensive car repairs, alimony payments, and a misguided Playstation 4 purchase…
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Ben Friedman
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November 24, 2020
LONDON — The Cure founder and noted prankster Robert Smith left another flaming bag of fried chicken on Morrissey’s doorstep…
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Jason VanSlycke
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November 17, 2020
Oh boy, it’s a perfect day out. The weather is ideal for a nice walk with a loved one, for…
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Bobby Korec
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November 17, 2020
SEATTLE — Conveniently opportunistic “cash only” bar Zoo Tavern allegedly also has an abnormally high $7 ATM fee, patrons who…
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Patrick Coyne
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November 16, 2020
It’s no revelation to say that most of the great comedies of yesteryear couldn’t be made today. The cultural climate…
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Krissy Howard
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November 15, 2020
COEUR D’ALENE, Idaho — Grammatically correct person and all-around fucking showoff Eric Cyr responded that he’s doing “well” today after…
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Dan Kozuh
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November 11, 2020
PHILADELPHIA — Local punk Dominique Martin was pleased to discover today that her total credit score was nine, believing this…
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