America is being destroyed by the liberal elite and it makes me absolutely sick. And it would’ve made my dad sick, too. After all, he…
There comes a point, typically in one’s late-twenties or early-thirties, when going out to bars every night and getting hammered just isn’t fun anymore. The…
LOS GATOS, Calif. — A selection of various movie and television titles gave an ultimatum to the streaming service Netflix last week that if it…
ALBANY, N.Y. — Roommates Jonah Gray and Nic Shore have become fast friends under New York State’s PAUSE order by simply reinforcing each other’s drinking…
Listen pussies, I’m not going to “tone down” my drinking just because you claim I have a problem. Sure, my bar-top dancing got us kicked…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Perpetually pie-eyed local man Dominic “Mitch” Wozinski was invited last night by expectant parents Christine and Sam Pinner to unwittingly test…
All too often, health gurus and ex-partners will tell you that guzzling an endless stream of low-quality lager is incompatible with healthy living. I’m here…
Well, this is just a fucking mess. Last night I went on what my ex refers to as one of my “dangerous binge drinking sessions”…
BAYONNE, N.J. — Rooney’s Tavern resident sad guy John Russo is reportedly nothing more than a lonely, pathetic alcoholic, despite matching the description of every…
SAINT PAUL, Minn. — Local man and “Mr. Fucking Big Shot” Dan Paulson was allegedly acting last night “like his shit don’t stink” because he…
Friends are arguably just as, if not more, important than family. A bond thicker than blood. They’re there for us during the best and worst…
HARRISONBURG, Va. — Local punk and obvious alcoholic Marcia Fries announced moments ago that despite consuming nearly a dozen cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer…
Some people are able to drink in moderation. I’ve been told, on many occasions, that I am certainly not one of those people. So much…
BALTIMORE — Self-proclaimed beer snob Jeremy Drika pretended last night to thoughtfully peruse the beer list at a local brewpub before picking solely based on…
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — An episode of the mental health podcast Forgetting Sarah Tonin went unrecorded this week due to technical difficulties, leaving nothing but a…