White House Physician: Trump’s Narcolepsy ‘Normal’ for a Healthy Octogenarian Pedophile
WASHINGTON — White House physician, Captain Sean Barbarella, announced that recent viral clips of President Trump snoozing at his desk during Oval Office press conferences and nodding off in a luxury box at Madison Square Garden during the …
Where Have All the Real Women Gone? All I Want Is To Find a Girl I Can Have a Deep, Philosophical, Me-Talking-Only Conversation With
Once again, I have found myself in a situation where I am frustrated to say the least at all the women I am encountering in… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Karaoke Night Sound Guy Rigs Mic To Electrocute Anyone Who Tries To Hit the Falsetto in ‘Take on Me’
Trump Softens on GWAR After Learning They Own Slaves
WASHINGTON — A recent federal investigation into the theatrical rock group GWAR regarding their mock execution of Donald Trump on stage has been called off… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Punk Findom Bullies Men Out of Their Cigarettes
DETROIT — Punk financial dominatrix Sierra “Piss” Richardson nearly doubled her clientele in three days after pivoting to bullying area punks out of their cigarettes,… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Casino Throws Out Old Money at End of Day
Oh, You’re a Buckethead Fan? Name Three Items on the KFC Menu
Hey you. Yeah, you with the Chicago Bulls jersey and the nunchucks doing what looks like a robot dance. And is that the game “Clue”… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Music
Riot Fest Drafts Preemptive Morrissey Cancellation Tweet
CHICAGO — Organizers of Riot Fest have reportedly drafted multiple social media updates in the likely event Morrissey, prolific songwriter and former frontman of the Smiths, will cancel as the September concert nears. “Knock on wood, I guess, but as…
Sociologists Confirm Childfree Women Who Like Bob Seger Technically Daddies
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Top sociologists at Harvard University revealed that childfree women who like Bob…
Wistful Tom Delonge Reflects on ‘Pahhseeng of Toime’
SAN DIEGO — Blink-182 co-founder and co-lead vocalist Tom Delonge was recently spotted at Balboa…
Drummer Using Other Band's Drum Throne Lines It With Toilet Paper
PATCHOGUE, N.Y. — Jake Stamberg of local metal outfit A Stance Defiant borrowed fellow drummer…
Concert Sponsored by Spotify Lets Premium Ticket Holders Skip Songs They Don't Like
NEW YORK — Spotify debuted a live concert concept where premium ticket holders can skip…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…